Loneliness of the Soul
By: Kathy
September 20, 2014

There are a lot of lonely people in the world.  I mean really lonely. I’m not only referring to the people who live alone, have no family nearby, or who have few friends.  I hear people all the time describe feeling loneliness in their own homes with their entire family home, awake, and active!  How is that possible you ask?  Loneliness is often mistaken as a “people” problem.  We try to fill our emptiness with people ….  “If only my husband would pay more attention to me.” “If only I could meet the woman of my dreams.”  “If only my kids would spend more time with me.”


I don’t see loneliness as a people problem, I see it more as a soul problem.  We are lonely in our souls.  Chronically lonely.  Deeply lonely. We have a bad habit of looking outside of ourselves for everything that can fill the void … people, possessions, substances, entertainment; and we have gotten away from knowing our own souls or how to take care of them.  We don’t know how to handle the quiet moments, the solitude, the “single” experiences; and it clouds our judgment!  In an effort to avoid the empty space, we will do whatever is necessary to fill emptiness.  It makes us cling to partners we should run from, numb ourselves out with substances, get involved in affairs, be overly involved in our kids’ lives, work incessantly, clean like maniacs, volunteer for every single committee, etc. We are constantly reaching for the next thing that will keep us from having to feel the groaning ache of loneliness.

What would happen if we stopped running from the fear of loneliness? What would happen in those still moments when we just had to feel the ache? Think about this for a moment. Really think about it. Is it terrifying to you? Is it too scary to even think about?

Running from these feelings is exhausting, but unfortunately, we don’t even realize we are doing it. How do you change this course and stop running?

  • Get in touch with what you are doing and why. You can’t change behavior if you don’t even know you are doing it. Ask yourself “Why?” a lot. Why are you doing what you are doing right now? Is it what you want to do? Is it feeding your soul or preventing you from feeling loneliness?
  • Get to know yourself. What prevents you from sitting in the quiet moments? Are you afraid of what people will think? Are you afraid of what you will think? Does loneliness scare you? Why? Do you know what you need? Can you give it to yourself? Why not?
  • Learn how to face the loneliness. Turn the TV off. Put your phone down. Take a break from Facebook. Go out to dinner by yourself. Take a walk alone in the moonlight. What do you feel? Push yourself a little further the next time. And the next. Do it until you can walk alone confidently, contentedly, and be your own best friend.


Facing our own loneliness is a scary process, but it is absolutely necessary for a balanced and healthy life. If you can’t be alone, you will always be running from your loneliness and most of us will do very destructive things to avoid it! Think about exploring this concept. It might very well be the pathway to peace for you!