The Hailstorm vs. Turtle is an analogy created by Harville Hendrix to explain some of the very different ways a couple can behave and react within a relationship. Considering all the ways two people in a couple can be so very different, it often looks like the result of a divine… [Read More]
Overcoming Defensiveness
Defensiveness: When individuals feel attacked or misunderstood they often act out in ways to protect themselves. Many individuals get defensive when they are feeling criticized or blamed. When we get defensive we essentially take that blame and put it on the other person. A Better Understanding of Defensiveness: I… [Read More]
The Pain Of Projection
I recently got a vivid reminder of the power – and pain – of projection. Projection is when you project your worst beliefs or fears about yourself onto someone else and believe that the other person actually feels that way. Think of a slide projector – if the slide in… [Read More]
The Blame Game
All blame is a waste of time. How can I say that, do you suppose? I mean, come on…there are times when people deserve to get blamed. There IS such a thing as “fault” after all, right? People make mistakes, and there are consequences, and it actually IS someone’s fault…. [Read More]
The Seven Year *itch
If you can pardon the somewhat vulgar insinuation, I promise I have a point to my choice for the title of this blog. I just brewed up some Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee and am curled up by the fireplace with a warm blanket and my sweet kitty Bart, (ahhh!) and… [Read More]
Insulation vs. Isolation
By request…today we are going to talk about a way of thinking, a paradigm that will help navigate the waters of relationship with folks that may not always be all that safe. This is a common question I have from clients that are working so hard to develop good boundaries… [Read More]
Marital Love: Conditional or Unconditional?
When we think about marital love, we think about commitment and wanting that union to go the distance. We want to think and believe that our love when we’re married will never fade or go away. With a divorce rate at 50% or more in our current culture, we know… [Read More]
Guilt vs. Shame
While it may seem that these words are synonyms, there is a difference between guilt and shame. A very important difference, actually. I just made myself some wild mountain blueberry coffee, so join me for a minute, hopefully with your favorite beverage, and a warm blanket and fuzzy pet if… [Read More]
Anger and Healthy Boundaries
Have you felt strongly about something when you’re really irritated, but then forget about that same thing like it was no big deal? Or have a bad thing happen that put you in a rage but then thought, “Never mind, I don’t want to deal with that again! Too painful..?”… [Read More]
The Valley Of The Shadow
Folks come to my office asking for counsel on all kinds of things. Anger issues, help with communication, depression, anxiety, marital problems, trauma or addiction recovery…the list goes on and on. When it really comes down to it though, everyone who sits on my couch really wants one thing: to… [Read More]
