Defensiveness: When individuals feel attacked or misunderstood they often act out in ways to protect themselves. Many individuals get defensive when they are feeling criticized or blamed. When we get defensive we essentially take that blame and put it on the other person. A Better Understanding of Defensiveness: I… [Read More]
The Pain Of Projection
I recently got a vivid reminder of the power – and pain – of projection. Projection is when you project your worst beliefs or fears about yourself onto someone else and believe that the other person actually feels that way. Think of a slide projector – if the slide in… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Finale
OK, let’s wrap this thing up. There is a language barrier between turtles and hailstorms. Turtles more fluently speak the language of logic, hailstorms more fluently speak the language of feelings. One is not better or worse than the other, they are just different.Turtles and hailstorms can both speak English,… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Part 2
Characteristics of Hailstorms Last time we talked about turtles, so this time we’re discussing hailstorms. You know, those folks that love to talk deeply about emotions, feel an entire range of feelings, and they aren’t scared a bit by them. They can be dramatic, and deeply intimate, and loud, and… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Part 1
I’m going to do a little three-part segment on an analogy that I learned a long time ago in a therapist training with Harville Hendrix, the author and creator of Imago Relationship Therapy. It is the analogy of the Turtle and the Hailstorm, and how they get into relationships with… [Read More]
The Blame Game
All blame is a waste of time. How can I say that, do you suppose? I mean, come on…there are times when people deserve to get blamed. There IS such a thing as “fault” after all, right? People make mistakes, and there are consequences, and it actually IS someone’s fault…. [Read More]
The Seven Year *itch
If you can pardon the somewhat vulgar insinuation, I promise I have a point to my choice for the title of this blog. I just brewed up some Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee and am curled up by the fireplace with a warm blanket and my sweet kitty Bart, (ahhh!) and… [Read More]
Insulation vs. Isolation
By request…today we are going to talk about a way of thinking, a paradigm that will help navigate the waters of relationship with folks that may not always be all that safe. This is a common question I have from clients that are working so hard to develop good boundaries… [Read More]
Marital Love: Conditional or Unconditional?
When we think about marital love, we think about commitment and wanting that union to go the distance. We want to think and believe that our love when we’re married will never fade or go away. With a divorce rate at 50% or more in our current culture, we know… [Read More]
Guilt vs. Shame
While it may seem that these words are synonyms, there is a difference between guilt and shame. A very important difference, actually. I just made myself some wild mountain blueberry coffee, so join me for a minute, hopefully with your favorite beverage, and a warm blanket and fuzzy pet if… [Read More]
