Have you ever been in a relationship living in reactivity, feeling like a screech owl? Some people believe no one can ‘make’ us feel anything. They believe it is all up to us. However, it takes work to understand what triggers our emotional reactions. Before we do that work it… [Read More]
How To Use Your “Wise Mind”
The human brain has two sides, each of which has an important function. Depending on one’s personality and extenuating circumstances, one side may become more active than the other. Learning how to use your “wise mind” can be a lifesaver in having healthy, stable relationships that thrive instead of just… [Read More]
Taming The Abandonment Beast
If you have abandonment, you know there is quite an art to taming the abandonment beast. It is a force to be reckoned with, for sure, and needs to be tamed in order to have a happy, healthy, and stable life. Where Abandonment Comes From Abandonment doesn’t have… [Read More]
Are You Letting Your Emotions Control You?
Are you letting your emotions control you instead of the other way around? Maybe you get angry and lash out with insults and criticisms you regret later. Or, maybe you feel like everything is spiraling out of control and are instantly in the midst of a highly anxious and panicked… [Read More]
10 Signs You Have Abandonment Issues
Abandonment issues? Wondering for sure if you have them or not? You don’t have to have been left in a basket on a church doorstep in order to have abandonment issues. I myself didn’t even know I had abandonment until I was 35 years old, but when I learned more about… [Read More]
Insulation vs. Isolation
By request…today we are going to talk about a way of thinking, a paradigm that will help navigate the waters of relationship with folks that may not always be all that safe. This is a common question I have from clients that are working so hard to develop good boundaries… [Read More]
Abandonment: Can It Be Healed?
Abandonment issues are so common. You don’t have to have been left on the doorstep of an orphanage to know what abandonment feels like. In fact, you can have two very loving, wonderful parents and still be vexed by the painful effects of abandonment. The question then becomes, can abandonment… [Read More]
3 Parts of You
Do you know the different parts of yourself? Most of us are only vaguely aware of the 3 different parts that I like to talk about in counseling: The Adult, The Little Boy/Girl, and The Angry Teenager. If you want to have a healthy life, you’ll want to become intimately… [Read More]
Invitation vs. Expectation
I work with couples regularly who are stuck in the power struggle. They fight with each other over which one is going to act and behave according to the other’s worldview. It sounds something like this “I know how the world works, and if you would just get on board with… [Read More]
Understanding the System Within the Self
Referring to reactivity, most think of it in a negative context. It is not always screeching (please refer to blog entitled ‘My Life as a Screech Owl’) nagging or crying. Reactivity can also be self-soothing, withdrawing, cutting off, and the list goes on. In fact, I propose that most of… [Read More]
