{"id":3551,"date":"2012-02-12T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-12T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/do-you-hear-yourself\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:45","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:45","slug":"do-you-hear-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/do-you-hear-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Hear Yourself?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I work really hard with people on how to not take angry outbursts personally and to respond in a healthier way – b<\/strong>ut this one is for you<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 those with the angry retorts, venomous responses, belligerent requests, or full-blown outbursts.\u00a0 People don\u2019t like to be snapped at – and this is no way to communicate with those around you! Why do some people snip and snap at people on a daily basis and, more importantly, how do they stop before they run off their loved ones?<\/p>\n

Let me tell you something \u2013 this angry and terse style of communication is simply not okay!<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 When someone asks you an innocent question or makes a simple observation, it is not okay to jump down their throat!\u00a0 It is flat-out disrespectful!\u00a0 This is not to say that you are a bad person or that no one can stand you, but seriously, you have got to hear yourself and figure out why you do it before you lose what matters the most!!<\/p>\n

LEARNED STYLE<\/strong><\/em> – One primary reason for this behavior is that it is a learned way to communicate.\u00a0 If you had an angry and abrasive parent whose primary source of communication was abrupt and cutting \u2013 that is what was modeled for you about how to converse.
\nPRE-DEFENSIVE<\/strong><\/em> – Growing up around someone who speaks this way puts us on the automatic defense.\u00a0 Anticipating that those around us will be attacking and argumentative, we stay armed and ready for a battle.
\nNOT HEARD<\/strong><\/em> – Another reason for this behavior is that you\u2019ve learned that to get heard, you have to yell, scream, cuss, raise your voice, whine, or whatever.\u00a0 While this may have produced results for you in the past, it does not work long term and it hurts the very people you want to hear you!
\nUNMET NEEDS<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 When our needs go unmet, we get irritable.\u00a0 Perhaps growing up you experienced that your needs weren\u2019t important, so now you angrily ask for your needs to be met assuming that you\u2019ll have to fight and claw to get what you want.
\nWORTH<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Often angry responses are tied to how we feel about ourselves.\u00a0 When someone asks a question or has a different opinion than yours, it does not mean that they think you are a moron.\u00a0 If you constantly feel you are being judged and evaluated, this is more about your self-worth than it is about those around you!<\/p>\n

This article is meant to help you understand why<\/strong><\/em> you behave this way, not to justify it.\u00a0 If it is causing some pretty uncomfortable feelings inside of you right now, you’re probably hearing the truth about yourself.\u00a0 The good news is that you are not a horrible person!\u00a0 The bad news is that you really need to pay attention to how you come across to people and work to change it!\u00a0 You are an adult and you are surrounded by people who can communicate with you.\u00a0 Have you ever been told that you\u2019re short with people?\u00a0 Bite people\u2019s heads off? Do people avoid you? You may not hear it or think your tone and demeanor are a problem, but if you have heard this kind of feedback, chances are you need to take a good listen \u2013 to yourself!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I work really hard with people on how to not take angry outbursts personally and to respond in a healthier way – but this one is for you \u2013 those with the angry retorts, venomous responses, belligerent requests, or full-blown outbursts.\u00a0 People don\u2019t like to be snapped at – and this is no way to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,18,17],"tags":[519,465,520,521,522,424,523,429,430,524,525,526],"class_list":["post-3551","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-marriage","category-relationships","tag-abrupt","tag-anger","tag-angry","tag-bite-my-head-off","tag-communication","tag-counseling","tag-jumping-down-my-throat","tag-marriage","tag-relationships","tag-why-cant-we-communicate","tag-why-is-my-husband-so-angry","tag-why-is-my-wife-so-angry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3551","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3551"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3551\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4179,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3551\/revisions\/4179"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3551"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3551"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3551"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}