Does your relationship need a little tweaking?\u00a0 Perhaps it needs a major overhaul?<\/p>\n
Most people are drawn into counseling by a relationship that is not going the way they had planned.\u00a0 They want to \u201cfix\u201d the relationship.\u00a0 That is understandable.\u00a0 We all want a good, healthy, intimate relationship with another person. Once I get involved, however, I try to help couples see something different.<\/p>\n
I cannot count the number of times I\u2019ve had someone on my couch who is riddled with anxiety because they just had to know<\/em><\/strong> how the relationship was going to turn out.\u00a0 I always ask the question that drives people crazy. . . What would you be doing differently if you knew?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n The sense of urgency surrounding the outcome tells me they are focused on the relationship and as soon as the anxiety is relieved, their recovery stops.<\/p>\n Marriage is supposed to make us grow, but most people think it is to make us feel good.\u00a0 When people are so focused on the outcome of the relationship, they are in it for the \u201cfeel good\u201d and not for the growth.\u00a0 Sad.\u00a0 They don\u2019t get it.\u00a0 The person may get a little bit of recovery work done during the crisis, but as soon as they are reunited and it is feeling good again, they will slowly go back to old habits and the relationship will begin its slow decline.<\/p>\n When relationship troubles come to a head, it is an opportunity to get healthier.\u00a0 There is something that YOU need to take away from whatever went down in your relationship.\u00a0 It is hard to look in the mirror and see our own stuff \u2013 defensiveness, control, inappropriate anger, addiction, obliviousness, counterdependence, codependence, inventorying our partner\u2019s faults, denial, selfishness, pride \u2013 but these are all things we need to explore if we want to be healthy in the world, let alone in a relationship!<\/p>\n Most people have an idea of what kind of person they want to be while they are on this journey through life.\u00a0 If you are focused on being the best person that you can be, then let the troubles in the relationship reveal to you what you need to learn about yourself.\u00a0 If it kicks you into recovery, that means you\u2019ve discovered some things about yourself that you need to change and you\u2019re committed to making those changes<\/em><\/strong> (and more) \u2013 regardless of the outcome of the relationship!<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 You can see a bigger picture than just the snapshot that ends with a romantic reuniting.<\/p>\n The relationship is not the destination!\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> Getting healthier and constantly working towards being healthy and mature and being the best person you can be should be the goal.\u00a0 That improves your life all around you \u2013 with your family, your kids, your co-workers, your friends, as well as your intimate relationship!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Does your relationship need a little tweaking?\u00a0 Perhaps it needs a major overhaul? Most people are drawn into counseling by a relationship that is not going the way they had planned.\u00a0 They want to \u201cfix\u201d the relationship.\u00a0 That is understandable.\u00a0 We all want a good, healthy, intimate relationship with another person. Once I get involved, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[394,445,681,753,754,420,436,700,755,751,752],"class_list":["post-3602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-abandonment","tag-addiction","tag-borderline-personality-disorder","tag-how-to-fix-my-relationship","tag-how-to-know-when-to-call-it-quits","tag-recovery","tag-shame","tag-should-i-get-divorced","tag-should-i-stay-or-go","tag-whats-wrong-with-my-life","tag-whats-wrong-with-my-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3602","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3602"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3602\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4229,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3602\/revisions\/4229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}