One of the biggest questions I get asked in the counseling office is \u201cHow?\u201d\u00a0 People understand the concepts we discuss, but they can\u2019t see the pathway from where they are to where they want to go.\u00a0 Let me explain a few things that get in the way of finding what everyone is looking for . . .<\/p>\n
First<\/strong><\/em> of all, there is no FastPass, Express Elevator, or Direct Flight.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just beam yourself from the chaotic life that brought\u00a0 you into the therapy office to the new peaceful, happy, stable life that you desire.\u00a0 You have to work<\/em><\/strong> your way there \u2013 and that means being uncomfortable and making some mistakes along the way.\u00a0 Quit looking for the quick route and just take a step!<\/p>\n Secondly<\/strong><\/em>, quit trying to change everyone around you and change yourself.\u00a0 This surely must be the single hardest thing to do in therapy.\u00a0 This process requires a mental shift AND<\/strong><\/em> vulnerability, which is extremely hard for some people!\u00a0 When we stop trying to change others and work on ourselves, however, we actually begin to see some progress!<\/p>\n Thirdly<\/strong><\/em>, you have to accept yourself where you are.\u00a0 Sometimes, when we see how messed up things are, we spend way too much time in denial.\u00a0 No one wants to admit that their lives have become a trainwreck, and they certainly don\u2019t want to admit they had any contribution to it!\u00a0 Until we accept the full weight of where we are, however, we really can\u2019t move forward.<\/p>\n Fourth<\/strong><\/em>, we have to learn how to let go of the fantasy.\u00a0 We all have a picture in our minds of how our lives were supposed to go.\u00a0 In pursuit of making that fantasy a reality, we often royally muck up our lives.\u00a0 Learn to truly appreciate what you have instead of constantly lamenting over how things didn\u2019t live up to your expectations.<\/p>\n Fifth<\/strong><\/em>, understand the need for forgiveness.\u00a0 You will never truly be set free until you learn how to release the grip that anger, hatred, bitterness, and resentment have on your heart.\u00a0 True forgiveness, in my experience, requires a level of understanding of what was going on with the person when they did what they did.\u00a0 This includes you.<\/p>\n Sixth<\/strong><\/em>, we must develop personal integrity.\u00a0 This is not the same as honesty.\u00a0 Integrity is about having an internal compass that keeps directing us to be the best person we can be.\u00a0 It is about holding yourself accountable, doing the right thing, living with no regrets, being the person you were designed to be.\u00a0 Integrity is about doing what is right because it is right and for no other reason.<\/p>\n Seventh<\/strong><\/em>, there is no substitute for humility in recovery.\u00a0 Learning how to set the pride aside and admit to your faults and failures is not a sign of weakness, it is actually an enormous sign of strength!\u00a0 Humility draws people towards you, while pride pushes them away.<\/p>\n Eighth<\/strong><\/em>,\u00a0 respect is essential for us to be able to get along with others.\u00a0 When we criticize, condemn, or try to change someone else or their beliefs or ideas, we kill the growth of intimacy with people.\u00a0 Learning to accept that everyone is different and they each have a unique set of life experiences that got them to where they are is essential to having authentic relationships with others.<\/p>\n Recovery is not easy, but it is such a rewarding journey and can actually be exhilarating if you let it!\u00a0 Best wishes for your growth and recovery in the new year!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One of the biggest questions I get asked in the counseling office is \u201cHow?\u201d\u00a0 People understand the concepts we discuss, but they can\u2019t see the pathway from where they are to where they want to go.\u00a0 Let me explain a few things that get in the way of finding what everyone is looking for . […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[805,806,807,808,447,809,420],"class_list":["post-3620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-how-to-change-my-life","tag-how-to-find-happiness","tag-how-to-have-a-better-life","tag-how-to-succeed-in-recovery","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-pathway-to-peace","tag-recovery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3620"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4247,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620\/revisions\/4247"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3620"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3620"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3620"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}