Do you \u201ctest\u201d your relationships?\u00a0 Testing is a primitive way to see if we are loved.\u00a0 Basically the Tester (I\u2019ll call them \u2018Needy One\u2019) feels insecure, unloved, etc., and they \u2018test\u2019 the people in their lives to see if they are loved enough.\u00a0 Sometimes it is very subtle. You may be testing your relationship (or you may be the one being tested) and not even realize it!\u00a0 Check out some ways that people test their relationships:<\/p>\n
Cut-off Dance:<\/em><\/strong> \u00a0Needy person storms out of the room\/house, etc. during a fight.\u00a0 The partner\u2019s response is to chase after to prove their love.<\/p>\n Put Yourself Down:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Needy one makes a derogatory comment about themselves, the partner can prove their love by denying the put-down and offering praise instead.<\/p>\n Wait For It:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Needy one \u00a0\u2018waits\u2019 for others to initiate contact with them or takes inventory of who calls them first.\u00a0 Partners and loved ones can \u2018pass\u2019 this test by recognizing Needy One\u2019s need before they have to voice it.<\/p>\n High Demands:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Needy one expects their loved ones to go way out of their way for them (i.e., drive a long way, come when it is inconvenient, etc.)\u00a0 Essentially, if you are willing to really put yourself out, then Needy One will know you love them.<\/p>\n I could give countless other examples of these primitive tests, but you get the idea.\u00a0 The basic process, though, is for loved ones to anticipate Needy One\u2019s needs and meet them before they experience any discomfort.<\/p>\n If you think you might be a Needy One, that\u2019s good news!\u00a0 Once you recognize you are constantly testing your relationships, you can learn how to stop.\u00a0 It is not fun to be on the\u00a0receiving If you are in relationship with a Needy One, watch for the testing process and learn not to play the game.\u00a0 They are merely using a most primitive way to meet their needs and you\u2019ve played right into it, most likely for a long time.\u00a0 Once you recognize it and respond in a healthy way yourself, you will no longer feel tugged, pulled, and manipulated into doing things that you don\u2019t want to do.\u00a0 Getting the Needy One to stop is only half the battle.\u00a0 Once you stop playing into it, they are going to have to find a healthier way to meet their needs or go without.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> Since going without isn\u2019t an option for someone so needy, they will usually begin to play by your healthier rules!\u00a0 Then they can get their needs met, and you don\u2019t have to live under the constant threat of failing a test!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Do you \u201ctest\u201d your relationships?\u00a0 Testing is a primitive way to see if we are loved.\u00a0 Basically the Tester (I\u2019ll call them \u2018Needy One\u2019) feels insecure, unloved, etc., and they \u2018test\u2019 the people in their lives to see if they are loved enough.\u00a0 Sometimes it is very subtle. You may be testing your relationship (or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[536,831,407,500,447,887,752],"class_list":["post-3631","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-conflict-in-marriage","tag-how-to-save-my-marriage","tag-indianapolis-marriage-counseling","tag-marital-conflict","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-needy-relationships","tag-whats-wrong-with-my-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3631","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3631"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3631\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4258,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3631\/revisions\/4258"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3631"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3631"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3631"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nend of a \u2018test\u2019.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 If your loved ones fail the test, there will be a price to pay for their failure to meet your need (a fight, sulking, cut-off, criticism).\u00a0 This is confusing and tense for your loved ones as they did not even know they were being tested!\u00a0 Eventually your loved ones will grow weary under the constant strain of testing, \u00a0and you are going to feel less loved in your relationships!\u00a0 In fact, it makes the other person feel manipulated and they have less<\/em><\/strong> desire to meet your needs!\u00a0 Think about this:\u00a0 If your loved ones pass the test, you feel loved and all is well, but this result is only temporary. The insecurity arises again and another test is administered.\u00a0 This creates an ever-present tension for your loved ones wondering when the next test will come and if they will pass it!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n