{"id":3649,"date":"2013-09-06T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-09-06T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/good-people-and-affairs\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:53","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:53","slug":"good-people-and-affairs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/good-people-and-affairs\/","title":{"rendered":"Good People and Affairs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Finding out about an affair\u00a0is devastating.\u00a0 As the fear of the ultimate abandonment comes to life, the storm of self-blame, insecurity, and self-doubt can spin into oblivion.\u00a0Sometimes even a bit of temporary insanity can be expected. Affairs can spin a spouse’s fears and insecurity into unhealthy levels.\u00a0The various responses to affairs are as unique as the complexity of each\u00a0individual.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some\u00a0beliefs a\u00a0spouse might experience: <\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not lovable<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not good enough<\/span><\/p>\n

I will be left again<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ll be alone<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ll lose my friend, lover, spouse<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not valuable<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m invisible<\/span><\/p>\n

I don’t matter<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not okay<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not enough<\/span><\/p>\n

I am bad<\/span><\/p>\n

I am shameful<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0I must’ve not done enough<\/span><\/p>\n

I did something wrong<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0So many emotions can come through after finding out about an affair. Even self-blame for the other person’s choices.\u00a0It’s common for people to go through several months of mistrust and anger. The loss and shattering betrayal triggers insecurities and fears.\u00a0Affairs are a poor choice to address personal issues, much like\u00a0abusing alcohol or drugs. So why do some people have physical and emotional affairs? It would be presumptuous and irresponsible to label people who have or have had affairs. It’s\u00a0more truthful to say that everyone’s\u00a0reasons are unique and part of the complexity of who they are as people.\u00a0Plan on having a safe and open dialogue to discover these reasons. Labeling and making assumptions\u00a0wouldn’t\u00a0work here.<\/span><\/p>\n

What to do after?<\/b><\/b><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Get some distance between you and the issue. Don’t immerse yourself in it anymore than you can manage. Emotional separation is healthy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ask for help by creating a support system. Doing this alone will only create more isolation and negativity.<\/span><\/p>\n

Educate yourself by reading books<\/span><\/p>\n

Make a counseling appointment for yourself<\/span><\/p>\n

Join a support group<\/span><\/p>\n

Keep your\u00a0feet securely planted on Earth<\/span><\/p>\n

What are some warning signs?<\/i><\/i><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Living a secret, separate life<\/span><\/p>\n

Lack of transparency<\/span><\/p>\n

Lack of security<\/span><\/p>\n

Lack of safety<\/span><\/p>\n

Missing or lapses in time and accountability<\/span><\/p>\n

Financial discrepancies<\/span><\/p>\n

Lying or omission of information<\/span><\/p>\n

Minimizing concerns<\/span><\/p>\n

The pain of affairs is severe,\u00a0triggering\u00a0the deepest insecurities and fears. This is not a time to be making major decisions or life changes. Patience is required to deal with the betrayal and it takes hard work, not just time, to build trust back up. Therapy can help guide you through this painful ordeal and\u00a0help you develop a stronger, more intimate\u00a0relationship.\u00a0Some relationships may not survive the ordeal. Either way, the choice is yours to make. May you find peace and hope.<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finding out about an affair\u00a0is devastating.\u00a0 As the fear of the ultimate abandonment comes to life, the storm of self-blame, insecurity, and self-doubt can spin into oblivion.\u00a0Sometimes even a bit of temporary insanity can be expected. Affairs can spin a spouse’s fears and insecurity into unhealthy levels.\u00a0The various responses to affairs are as unique as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,30,32,36,1],"tags":[394,661,399,466,467,468,509,469,510,470,471,472,576,474,396,476,579,490,438,630,1011,716,407,408,477,595,479,816,429,483,484,486],"class_list":["post-3649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-counseling","category-individual-therapy","category-marital-therapy","category-self-help","category-uncategorized","tag-abandonment","tag-addictions","tag-affairs","tag-anxiety","tag-betrayal","tag-co-dependency","tag-communicaiton-issues","tag-communication-issues","tag-controlling","tag-couples","tag-couples-counseling","tag-cut-off","tag-depression","tag-disconnect","tag-divorce","tag-emotional-issues","tag-fear","tag-fighting","tag-forgiveness","tag-forgiving","tag-good-people","tag-good-therapy","tag-indianapolis-marriage-counseling","tag-infidelity","tag-insecurity","tag-jealousy","tag-love","tag-low-self-esteem","tag-marriage","tag-self-worth","tag-separation","tag-trust"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3649"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3649\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4276,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3649\/revisions\/4276"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}