This week I made an interesting connection about how cookies damage our relationships!\u00a0 These are not your standard chocolate chip or snickerdoodle variety,
\nhowever, these cookies are a bit different, but they have a significant impact on our relationships!<\/p>\n
The kind of cookies I\u2019m referring to are like the ones you find on your computer (small files that your computer stores that \u201cremember\u201d what you\u2019ve done in the past to make it easier as you surf the internet in the future, i.e., loading a username, webpage you browse frequently, etc.).\u00a0 We save \u201ccookies\u201d just like that in our relationships!\u00a0 Some examples are:<\/p>\n
We \u201cpredict\u201d that our partner will respond in the way they have before and don\u2019t give them a chance to change their behavior.<\/p>\n
We think we \u201cknow\u201d how the other person feels and react based on that.<\/p>\n
We often \u201cassume\u201d what our partner is going to say and we don\u2019t even let them finish their sentences which frustrates both parties.<\/p>\n
We might \u201cexpect\u201d an old loving behavior from our spouse, not taking into account that our relationship is in a damaged state.<\/p>\n
Basically, we are projecting onto our partner that they will behave in the same old way (or the way that we fear) instead of letting<\/span><\/i><\/b> them respond and reacting ourselves based on their actual<\/i><\/b> words and behaviors.<\/p>\n Couples often cite \u201ccommunication\u201d as the problem in their relationship.\u00a0 The problem is not that they\u2019ve lost the ability to communicate; the problem is that they\u2019ve accumulated so many \u201ccookies\u201d between them that they can barely have a conversation!\u00a0 \u00a0They both can communicate with me<\/i><\/b> and others, just fine.\u00a0 What\u2019s the difference?\u00a0 They don\u2019t anticipate what I\u2019m<\/i><\/b> going to say or how I<\/i><\/b> feel about them or if I\u2019m<\/i><\/b> going to do something untrustworthy, they wait<\/i><\/b> for me to act and then base their reaction on what I actually<\/i><\/b> say and do!\u00a0 This is also what we all did when we first met our partner and why everything seemed so much easier then.\u00a0 There were no \u201ccookies\u201d!<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Couples that have been together a long time have so much unspoken communication through body language, assumptions, anticipated responses, etc., that they don\u2019t even have to talk to have a conversation!\u00a0 Learning to slow things down and allowing the other person to do things differently will often pave a new path.\u00a0 As long as we hold onto our \u201ccookies\u201d, however, we are going to keep going down the same road!<\/p>\n If you are having a difficult time communicating in your relationship, delete the \u201ccookies\u201d!<\/i><\/b>\u00a0 Quit assuming what your partner is going to say.\u00a0 Don\u2019t anticipate that they will react in a certain way.\u00a0 Don\u2019t tell them how they feel.\u00a0 When the \u201ccookies\u201d are deleted, we allow our partner to tell us what they feel, think, want, need instead of us projecting that onto them from past behavior.\u00a0 People do change over time, but if you keep every \u201ccookie\u201d since you met, it will likely crowd out the good in your relationship.\u00a0 Delete the “cookies” and make room for a new, better relationship today!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This week I made an interesting connection about how cookies damage our relationships!\u00a0 These are not your standard chocolate chip or snickerdoodle variety, however, these cookies are a bit different, but they have a significant impact on our relationships! The kind of cookies I\u2019m referring to are like the ones you find on your computer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[522,1029,1030,1031,961,1032,753,1033,728,1034,677,429,447,614,1035,1036,524,1037],"class_list":["post-3651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-communication","tag-cookies","tag-couples-communication","tag-he-wont-listen","tag-how-to-be-heard","tag-how-to-fix-my-marriage","tag-how-to-fix-my-relationship","tag-how-to-get-the-love-back","tag-how-to-stop-fighting","tag-in-love","tag-marital-discord","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-not-in-love","tag-she-wont-listen","tag-stop-interrupting","tag-why-cant-we-communicate","tag-wont-listen"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3651"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3651\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4278,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3651\/revisions\/4278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}