{"id":3667,"date":"2013-08-25T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-08-25T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-causes-intimacy-to-break-down\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:55","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:55","slug":"what-causes-intimacy-to-break-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-causes-intimacy-to-break-down\/","title":{"rendered":"What Causes Intimacy To Break Down?"},"content":{"rendered":"

We all love the intimacy in the beginning of a relationship \u2013 where we are sharing things with our partner that we don\u2019t share with most people.\u00a0 We share our deepest hopes, dreams, faults, fears, failures, disappointments, etc.\u00a0 We are able to share these delicate gems, why?\u00a0 Because the other person is being tender and safe and offering loving acceptance of us as we share these intimacies.\u00a0 It is a delicious connection to another soul \u2013 one which we are all hard-wired to yearn for.\u00a0 We offer the same safe and loving environment for our mate to share their intimacies as well, it feels so good and we want more<\/strong><\/em>!\u00a0 This is the \u201cin love\u201d feeling that everyone describes.<\/p>\n

So what happens?\u00a0 Why does this wonderful intimacy fade away the longer we are in a relationship?<\/p>\n

Think about this.\u00a0 In the beginning, we are sharing such intimacies with great humility.\u00a0 We want our partner to like us, so we offer up our deep stuff with trepidation \u2013 \u201cMaybe he won\u2019t still love me if I tell him this.\u201d\u00a0 In the spirit of that humility, it is easy for our mate to offer forgiveness and understanding.\u00a0 Additionally, when we are hearing our partner\u2019s intimate nuggets, we are highly motivated to accept them because we are pursuing a relationship with them.\u00a0 We can overlook a lot when we are trying to secure a commitment!<\/p>\n

That is how intimacy is built.\u00a0 Both partners are more vulnerable and humble than ever in sharing with their mate and they are both safe, loving, and accepting of their partner\u2019s intimacies.\u00a0 So where does it break down?<\/p>\n

It is not in the sharing of intimacies that it begins to break down, it is in the reception.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say that a guy says something at a party that hurt his girl\u2019s feelings.\u00a0 She shares it with him on the way home. \u00a0He angrily defends himself. Is she being intimate?\u00a0 Yes. Does she get a warm and loving response to sharing her feelings?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Now she feels attacked and views him as unsafe.\u00a0 She will think twice the next time that she wants to share her feelings.\u00a0 The slow decline of that loving acceptance they once enjoyed begins. Now compound that over the next 5 or 10 years and you\u2019ve got a real mess on your hands!<\/p>\n

To get the intimacy back, we absolutely have to learn how to accept our partner the way that they are.<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong> We have to be mature enough to hear what they really feel \u2013 and accept it.\u00a0 Matthew Kelly said it best \u2013 \u201cIntimacy dies in the face of judgment and criticism\u201d.\u00a0 No truer words have ever been spoken!\u00a0 And may I be bold enough to say this . . . most of us are not mature enough to handle true intimacy!\u00a0 I know that I was not and I am still learning.\u00a0 As I have changed my understanding of what intimacy really is, however, it has helped me to have more authentic relationships with those close to me.<\/p>\n

Can you let your partner feel what they feel?\u00a0 Can they do the same for you?\u00a0 Can you grow <\/strong><\/em>through the differences instead of trying to change what the other person feels?\u00a0 Can you accept that intimacy does not always feel good, that sometimes it will hurt, but it is what you need?<\/p>\n

When we get to the point of offering consistent, genuine acceptance once again, the soil is ready for intimacy to begin to grow and the relationship can flourish.\u00a0 Be patient, however, it takes time to create an environment of consistent, genuine acceptance and safety – especially in the wake of an environment of judgment, criticism, defense, lack of acceptance, etc..\u00a0 If you are doing it with the right spirit and are willing to be patient, however, the rewards are worth the wait!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all love the intimacy in the beginning of a relationship \u2013 where we are sharing things with our partner that we don\u2019t share with most people.\u00a0 We share our deepest hopes, dreams, faults, fears, failures, disappointments, etc.\u00a0 We are able to share these delicate gems, why?\u00a0 Because the other person is being tender and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3667","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3667","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3667"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3667\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4293,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3667\/revisions\/4293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3667"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3667"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3667"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}