{"id":3680,"date":"2013-11-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-11-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/fear-is-the-root-of-all-issues\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:56","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:56","slug":"fear-is-the-root-of-all-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/fear-is-the-root-of-all-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"Fear: The Root Of All Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s a theory – \u00a0simple, profound, and probably true:\u00a0 All of our issues stem from fear!<\/strong><\/em> \u00a0\u00a0Think about it – \u00a0abandonment is a terrifying fear of being left, being alone, being detached and unloved.\u00a0 Shame is an irrational fear of not being good enough, of being discovered as the flawed being that you really believe that you are.\u00a0 Anxiety is an overwhelming fear of not being in control. \u00a0And since fear is such a primal emotion, we will have little control over how it manifests itself!\u00a0 It just makes so much sense!<\/em><\/p>\n

When we fear something, what do we do?\u00a0 We focus on it.\u00a0 We cannot be fully relaxed as long as the thing we fear is in our periphery.\u00a0 We can be distracted from it for a short while, but ultimately it is constantly on our radar, beckoning and threatening to destroy us. \u00a0While we are hurrying, worrying, planning, maneuvering, and constantly chewing on the thing we fear, we are not fully experiencing in our lives!<\/p>\n

So what are your issues?\u00a0 What are the underlying fears?\u00a0 And where do those fears come from?\u00a0 If we trace it back to its source, we can usually sort of \u201cre-wire\u201d the surface issue to make our responses something more manageable.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s use control as an example.\u00a0 You have a terrifying fear of chaos \u2013 of things, people, situations, \u00a0and \u00a0emotions (yours and\/or other people) being disorderly and out of control.\u00a0 If you trace it back to your childhood, you may find situations where you felt out of control \u2013 unexpected angry outbursts by parents or siblings, having to move a lot, not getting your basic needs met (food, clothing, healthcare, etc.), unable to do basic things that other kids could do (ex: having a disability or slow to mature), etc.\u00a0 We learn to \u201ccope\u201d with painful events by controlling what we can.\u00a0 We spend our lives trying to control every single thing around us!\u00a0<\/strong> And while we get small victories and feel some relief from our anxiety, what we really do is exhaust ourselves!<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 The fear and anxiety never really go away; we just keep them at bay for a short time.<\/p>\n

The truth is, we don\u2019t really have control over anything but ourselves.\u00a0 The re-wiring comes from recognizing the underlying fear (What will happen if I don\u2019t control everything around me?) and then forcing ourselves to\u00a0logically walk through it.\u00a0 \u201cIf I don\u2019t have control over everything (the issue), then I will feel out of control (the fear). The fear comes from unexpected angry outbursts I experienced.\u00a0 I coped with that fear by trying to control things.\u00a0 I tried to control his anger by doing everything perfectly. Although I tried as hard as I could, it still couldn\u2019t control it.\u00a0 I recognize that I am now trying to control the emotions of the people around me to calm my fear.\u00a0 I accept that I have no control over anyone\u2019s emotions except for mine.\u00a0 I am an adult and if someone around me has an irrational angry outburst, I can get away from them. I can control my own emotions by deep breathing and calm self-talk.\u201d \u00a0(The irrational fear is resolved and they have dealt with any real fear by having a plan of action!)<\/p>\n

Get the idea?\u00a0 Deal with the fear and you deal with the issue!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s a theory – \u00a0simple, profound, and probably true:\u00a0 All of our issues stem from fear! \u00a0\u00a0Think about it – \u00a0abandonment is a terrifying fear of being left, being alone, being detached and unloved.\u00a0 Shame is an irrational fear of not being good enough, of being discovered as the flawed being that you really believe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3680","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3680","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3680"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3680\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4306,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3680\/revisions\/4306"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3680"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3680"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3680"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}