{"id":3701,"date":"2012-02-05T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-05T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/its-not-about-you\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:57","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:57","slug":"its-not-about-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/its-not-about-you\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s Not About You!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s not about you, Dude!\u00a0<\/em><\/strong> When your partner is talking about their feelings, it’s not about YOU!\u00a0 Even when your partner is sharing their feelings about you<\/strong><\/em>, it’s not about you!\u00a0 If you want a relationship that not only survives, but thrives<\/strong><\/em>, mastering this concept is a must!<\/p>\n

Some examples?\u00a0 Husband approaches wife to talk about money.\u00a0 He’s worried about covering the bills this month.\u00a0 She launches into how she’s been doing a good job paying the bills, etc., etc.\u00a0 HE<\/strong> was talking about his worries about covering the bills and now they are talking about how good of a job SHE<\/strong> does paying the bills.\u00a0 She mistakenly assumed that the finger was pointed at her<\/em>.\u00a0 A couple inexperienced at recognizing this shift in direction will spend the rest of the conversation, and maybe even the rest of the day, fighting a needless battle!<\/p>\n

So how should this conversation have gone?\u00a0 He approaches wife with his worries.\u00a0 She doesn’t make it about her!<\/em>\u00a0 She inquires further about why he’s so worried.\u00a0 He reveals that he feels like a failure because his commission is down this month.\u00a0 Wife can now be there for him and help him with his feelings vs. spending the rest of the day arguing!<\/p>\n

What about if it is<\/strong><\/em> about you?\u00a0 This one is a lot harder, for sure.\u00a0 Wife complains because husband was distracted and disconnected on her birthday.\u00a0 He did a lot of things right, but the things she needed, eye contact and attention, he sort of botched.\u00a0 SHE<\/em> shares her disappointment and HE<\/em> gets defensive talking about how hard he tried and what he did right.\u00a0 Do you see the shift?\u00a0 She wasn’t talking about him<\/strong><\/em>, she was talking about her feelings<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 Unless they catch the shift, they will spend all of their time trying to get heard (a\/k\/a fighting).\u00a0 If he can just resist the urge to make it about himself<\/em>, he will hear that he did a lot of things right, but what she needed more than anything on her birthday was connection with him.\u00a0 If he can hear that<\/em>, future birthdays will rock for her (and probably for him, too!)<\/p>\n

Done correctly, a couple can talk about anything<\/em>!\u00a0 Past hurts, money, sex, and even affairs can be discussed and brought to resolve.\u00a0 Whatever your partner is bringing up is more about their wounds and issues than it is about you, anyway!\u00a0 When you make it about you, your partner loses an opportunity to learn and grow in their experiences.<\/p>\n

This skill is not just for couples, either.\u00a0 Try using it on your kids, your co-workers, your friends.\u00a0 It is amazing how it works!\u00a0 People that truly master this skill actually communicate<\/em><\/strong>!\u00a0 Remember, just because someone has a feeling, or even a feeling about you, don’t make it about you.\u00a0 If you can resist the temptation to make it about yourself, you just might discover a rich and wonderful intimacy with those around you!<\/p>\n

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It’s not about you, Dude!\u00a0 When your partner is talking about their feelings, it’s not about YOU!\u00a0 Even when your partner is sharing their feelings about you, it’s not about you!\u00a0 If you want a relationship that not only survives, but thrives, mastering this concept is a must! Some examples?\u00a0 Husband approaches wife to talk […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[522,961,1166,963,964,1167,500,447],"class_list":["post-3701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-communication","tag-how-to-be-heard","tag-how-to-communicate","tag-how-to-get-your-husband-to-listen","tag-how-to-get-your-wife-to-listen","tag-its-not-about-you","tag-marital-conflict","tag-marriage-counseling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3701"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4327,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3701\/revisions\/4327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}