{"id":3707,"date":"2014-01-19T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-01-19T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/how-to-end-an-argument\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","slug":"how-to-end-an-argument","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/how-to-end-an-argument\/","title":{"rendered":"How To End An Argument"},"content":{"rendered":"

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.\u00a0 You\u00a0 may not even be speaking to (or even looking at) one another, so how do you go about ending an argument without losing your dignity?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

It all comes down to pride.\u00a0 Most of us have way too much pride and that is why it is so difficult to end an argument.\u00a0 With two prideful partners waiting for the other to make the first move, it could be a long, chilly wait!\u00a0 Here are my recommendations, they are not comfortable, but they absolutely do work . . .<\/p>\n

Apologize For Your Part<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Now I\u2019m not talking about what I call the generic apology of \u201cI\u2019m sorry we fought.\u201d\u00a0 That takes no ownership at all.\u00a0 And I\u2019m not talking, necessarily, about the global apology of \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d (but if that’s all you can get out, then do it!).\u00a0 What I mean is . . . examine your part in the argument and apologize for your part<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 For example, \u201cI want to apologize for raising my voice, calling you a name, and for storming out of the room when we fought last night.\u201d\u00a0 You might even go so far as to say, \u201cI know those behaviors are not helpful when we are fighting and I don\u2019t want to be like that.\u201d\u00a0 You don’t have to admit the point you were arguing was wrong, because maybe it wasn’t, but at least find what you did wrong in the argument and apologize for it<\/strong><\/em>!\u00a0 And please, please, please<\/strong><\/em> don’t follow it up with a “but . . . (here’s why I was right)”.<\/p>\n

Sounds hard, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Well, it is, but it begins to carve a path between you and your partner.\u00a0 It is a starting point for healing; not just ending the fight, but actually resolving things (which may be completely foreign territory for some of us!) The next step is even harder. . .<\/p>\n

Do Not Pressure Your Partner to Reciprocate<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Often times when we apologize, we stand there expectantly waiting for our partner to reciprocate with all of their wrongdoings, then get angry when they don’t.\u00a0 I\u2019m saying, don\u2019t do it!<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 Apologize for your part, then be done.\u00a0 You are apologizing because you are sorry for your part, not to manipulate your partner into giving you<\/strong> <\/em>an apology!\u00a0 I know it is hard, but it is absolutely necessary to let your partner apologize when they are ready (if that ever happens).<\/p>\n

Reach Out To Your Partner Physically<\/strong><\/em> \u2013 And no, I do not mean sex!\u00a0 When we have pulled away from our partner in an argument, we need to reconnect, emotionally and<\/strong><\/em> physically.\u00a0 Something very simple, such as reaching your hand out to your partner to see if they will hold it, or put your arms out offering a hug, may bridge the gap between you.\u00a0 You make the gesture, then let your partner decide if they are ready to reconnect.\u00a0 If they refuse, don\u2019t take it personally, they are just not ready yet. When we are hurting, the comfort of physical touch may be all that is needed to lower our prideful walls and bring back our soft, tender feelings towards one another.<\/p>\n

If these techniques don\u2019t work, try again later, but make sure you are doing it with the right spirit.\u00a0 Pride will drive you and your partner away from one another, while humility will bring you together.\u00a0 The reason?\u00a0 It is very simple:\u00a0 Pride inspires pride, humility inspires humility.<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.\u00a0 You\u00a0 may not even be speaking to (or even looking at) one another, so how do you go about ending an argument without losing your dignity? It all comes down to pride.\u00a0 Most of us have way too much pride and that is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[628,536,471,490,1189,1190,1191,837,500,429,447,839,1060,1192,900],"class_list":["post-3707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-arguments","tag-conflict-in-marriage","tag-couples-counseling","tag-fighting","tag-fighting-in-marriage","tag-fights","tag-how-to-end-an-argument","tag-humility","tag-marital-conflict","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-pride","tag-resolve-conflict","tag-stop-argument","tag-stop-fighting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3707"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3707\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4333,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3707\/revisions\/4333"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}