{"id":3710,"date":"2014-02-09T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-09T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/shame-fractures-the-soul\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","slug":"shame-fractures-the-soul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/shame-fractures-the-soul\/","title":{"rendered":"Shame Fractures The Soul!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I had an amazing session this week with a client who was just beginning to see, and talk about, something people all over the world are plagued with every single day!\u00a0 I see it as the source of addiction.\u00a0 John Bradshaw called it the \u201cfracture of the soul<\/strong><\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n

Imagine a 4 year old little boy.\u00a0 He is being silly at the dinner table, as most 4 year olds do, and he accidentally spills his milk.\u00a0 Dad jumps up and screams \u201cOh my God! Why weren\u2019t you watching what you were doing? You always do this!\u00a0 Now look at the mess you\u2019ve caused!\u201d\u00a0 Mom runs as fast as she can to grab a towel and starts frantically mopping up the mess in silence.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this is a pretty familiar scene in many households.\u00a0 But now picture the 4 year old.\u00a0 He went from silly to sober in an instant.\u00a0 He is dealing with the pain of this scene by himself<\/i><\/strong>.\u00a0 Running through his little mind are thoughts such as, \u201cWhy wasn\u2019t I more careful?\u201d \u201cI should know how to not spill my milk (because the adults apparently think I should).\u201d \u201cThere must be something wrong with me.\u201d\u00a0 This is where the fracture of the soul begins.<\/p>\n

Through situations like this, we come to believe that we are flawed and defective at our core.\u00a0 We have to keep on living, however, so we do the only thing we know how to do.\u00a0 We double our efforts at being \u201cgood\u201d (i.e., what everyone wants us to be) and try hard to hide the part of us that is \u201cbad\u201d.\u00a0 Our soul is fractured:\u00a0 there is the person I am supposed to be (and that I project onto everyone), versus who I really am (my real thoughts, feelings, ideas, needs, desires, etc.) and I must keep who I really am hidden deep inside.\u00a0 If you connect with this, the primary thing I want you to know is that you are not the only one!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

This fracture of the soul (also called shame) is a problem affecting the majority of the population \u2013 and we are in a lot of pain!\u00a0 It is exhausting to keep the shameful one hidden while simultaneously ‘performing’ for everyone around us. The pain from this daunting task demands to be medicated.\u00a0 We numb our pain with food, alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, affairs, perfectionism, workaholism, shopping, plastic surgery, control, etc. When the fracture occurs, we use what we have at our disposal at the time to soothe our wounds.\u00a0 Sometimes we stick with our original drug of choice, sometimes we ramp up to something more powerful, or simply switch to something that fits our new lifestyle better.<\/p>\n

How do you cure the fracture of the soul?\u00a0 Your secret must be brought out into the light.\u00a0 Very slowly, as with my client this week, you must begin to talk about the real<\/i> <\/strong>feelings you are having about being flawed, defective, etc.\u00a0 When you are finally able to be that real with yourself and at least one other person, the fracture begins to heal.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 The more you bring the secrets out into the light, the more healing occurs.\u00a0 Eventually, you can accept your authentic self and you will begin to medicate less.<\/p>\n

If you relate to this article, I promise that you are not crazy and you are not alone.\u00a0 You can come to peace with the shameful feelings inside of you, stop living in hiding and stop being a slave to your addictions.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> It will not be comfortable work, but the freedom that awaits is worth it!<\/p>\n

To purchase Family Tree’s Director, Mark Smith’s brand new eBook, Healing Toxic Shame Through Recovery, <\/strong><\/em>go to http:\/\/familytreecounseling.com\/index.php <\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had an amazing session this week with a client who was just beginning to see, and talk about, something people all over the world are plagued with every single day!\u00a0 I see it as the source of addiction.\u00a0 John Bradshaw called it the \u201cfracture of the soul\u201d. Imagine a 4 year old little boy.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[19,20,21,18],"tags":[1112,445,618,399,1199,587,588,1200,638,407,1201,429,447,1202,1203,539,1204,1205,420,436,1206,1207,607,568],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3710"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3710"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3710\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4336,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3710\/revisions\/4336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}