{"id":3712,"date":"2014-02-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-not-to-trust\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:58","slug":"what-not-to-trust","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-not-to-trust\/","title":{"rendered":"What Not To Trust!"},"content":{"rendered":"

If there is one thing I\u2019ve learned in all of my recovery work, it is do not trust a sense of urgency!<\/i><\/strong> \u00a0That overwhelming sense that I must do something right now<\/i><\/strong> is usually a sign that whatever I\u2019m about to do is unhealthy and not well thought out.<\/p>\n

Certainly there are clear and easily identifiable exceptions to this rule, like when the house is on fire or when your 2 year old is about to go tumbling down the stairs. In everyday life, however, a sense of urgency is a sign that some deeper issue is driving you emotionally, so beware!\u00a0Let me give you some examples, \u201cI need to text him right now<\/em><\/strong> and tell him what a jerk he is!\u201d\u00a0 No, you don\u2019t.\u00a0 What good will come from doing it right this second?\u00a0 What would be so detrimental about waiting until after work, or until the next day when you have slept on it?\u00a0 Another one I often see is, \u201cI need to know if we\u2019re going to be in this marriage or not!\u201d\u00a0 Why do you need to know?\u00a0 What would you be doing if you knew your marriage wasn\u2019t going to work out?\u00a0 In both examples, the person is operating off of pure emotion and rational thought has taken a back seat.<\/p>\n

I remember a time when I was very angry with my son\u2019s wrestling coaches.\u00a0 I was racing\u00a0 to the school fuming and wanted to give them a piece of my mind.\u00a0 My sense of urgency was overtaking rational thought and the big picture was nowhere in sight!\u00a0Fortunately, I could recognize that I was – shall we say \u2013 compromised?\u00a0 I called one of my fellow wrestling moms saying, \u201cJust tell me not to go in there!\u201d\u00a0 Luckily she listened and talked me off the ledge.\u00a0 I can imagine how that scene would have played out if I had followed that overwhelming sense of urgency!\u00a0 So instead of them carrying my kicking, screaming little body out and unceremoniously dumping me in the snow, I calmly sat with the Athletic Director the next day and aired my complaints.\u00a0 Which do you think was more productive in the long run?<\/p>\n

What about you?\u00a0 When do you feel that sense of urgency driving you?\u00a0 A need to tell someone off?\u00a0 A need to get divorced or move out when you are angry at your spouse?\u00a0 A need to reply immediately to an email that upset you at work?\u00a0 A decision never to speak to someone again? Jumping in bed with someone else because you are mad at your spouse? (yes, sadly, this actually happens)\u00a0 A need to resolve the argument right now<\/i> even though your partner asked for some time to process what happened?<\/p>\n

What if instead of following that sense of urgency, you looked inside yourself and tried to figure out what you really needed at that moment?\u00a0 Are you lonely?\u00a0 Scared? \u00a0Hurt? Feeling wronged?\u00a0 Judged? \u00a0Helpless?\u00a0 These are all natural feelings, but they are incredibly uncomfortable and we want immediate relief.\u00a0 See the bigger picture and know that following that sense of urgency will only get you temporary relief at best<\/i><\/strong>. If you can learn to sit through the uncomfortable feelings instead, you will learn a great deal about yourself, and gain a much greater sense of control over your life!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If there is one thing I\u2019ve learned in all of my recovery work, it is do not trust a sense of urgency! \u00a0That overwhelming sense that I must do something right now is usually a sign that whatever I\u2019m about to do is unhealthy and not well thought out. Certainly there are clear and easily […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[394,437,851,434,960,1216,1217,1218,1219,1220,429,447,1221,409,436,1222],"class_list":["post-3712","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-abandonment","tag-change","tag-chaos","tag-control","tag-divorce-busting","tag-drama","tag-how-to-control-my-life","tag-immaturity","tag-impulsive","tag-impulsivity","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-maturity","tag-relationship","tag-shame","tag-urgency"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3712","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3712"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3712\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4338,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3712\/revisions\/4338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}