{"id":3717,"date":"2014-04-06T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-06T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/is-emotional-cut-off-damaging-your-relationships\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:59","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:59","slug":"is-emotional-cut-off-damaging-your-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/is-emotional-cut-off-damaging-your-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Emotional Cut-Off Damaging Your Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Is emotional cut-off damaging your relationships?\u00a0 Maybe it is, but you don\u2019t even realize that you are doing it!<\/p>\n<p>Emotional cut-off is an all too common, primitive mechanism we use to deal with a mass of pain that we can\u2019t handle.\u00a0 It is both unhealthy and ineffective as it temporarily breaks our connection to those we love and want to be loved by.\u00a0 Until we learn what it is, see that we are doing it, and understand how damaging it is to our relationships, we will continue to do it!<\/p>\n<p>Emotional Cut-Off can range anywhere from silently passive aggressive to outright aggressive and violent!\u00a0 Here are some examples:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Emotionally shut down (i.e., reverting to one word answers).<\/li>\n<li>Hang up on someone.<\/li>\n<li>Stop returning calls or texts.<\/li>\n<li>Sleep in another room.<\/li>\n<li>Take off your wedding ring (or worse \u2013 throw it at your partner!)<\/li>\n<li>Storm out of the room.<\/li>\n<li>Slam a door.<\/li>\n<li>Peel out of the driveway.<\/li>\n<li>Walk out of the room in the middle of a conversation.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cUnfriend\u201d someone on Facebook.<\/li>\n<li>Not say goodbye before you leave.<\/li>\n<li>Go to sleep without saying goodnight.<\/li>\n<li>Silent treatment.<\/li>\n<li>Pouting.<\/li>\n<li>Refusing to make eye contact.<\/li>\n<li>Refuse to speak to someone for months or years.<\/li>\n<li>Threaten separation, divorce, murder, or suicide.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Why are these behaviors a problem?\u00a0 <strong><i>Emotional cut-off damage our relationships because your partner learns that they can\u2019t trust their connection with you.<\/i><\/strong>\u00a0 It is subject to be broken at a moment\u2019s notice, with or without provocation.\u00a0 Over time it is like striking your relationship repeatedly with a hammer.\u00a0 It is going to be pretty scarred!<\/p>\n<p>Secondly, <em><strong>emotional cut-off is actually a manipulation<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 Basically it is saying, \u201cI don\u2019t like what you are doing, so I\u2019m going to try to manipulate you into behaving the way I want you to so that I can feel okay.\u201d\u00a0 Seriously, we&#8217;re adults.\u00a0 That is the behavior of a 3 year old!\u00a0 It puts our needs far ahead of our partner\u2019s and leaves them alone to deal with the pain of cut-off.\u00a0 Don&#8217;t sound so good now, does it?<\/p>\n<p>Thirdly, think about it. . .\u00a0 <em><strong>what you really want is your partner to draw close to you<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 What you are effectively doing, however, is punching them in the nose in the hopes that they will come towards you in response.\u00a0 Doesn&#8217;t work so well, does it?\u00a0 This insidious tool disguises itself as protection and safety to us, but it actually damages the very relationships we want to feel safe and loved in!<\/p>\n<p>If you recognize these behaviors in yourself, I implore you to get to work on removing this primitive coping mechanism right away!\u00a0 If you don\u2019t find a more mature way to communicate, you\u2019re going to have a pretty lonely life!\u00a0 No one likes to be on the receiving end of emotional cut-off.\u00a0 Often times, I see partners match cut-off for cut-off and it just escalates into an awful mess.\u00a0 And if you are in a relationship with someone who has abandonment, you\u2019d better believe the damage done will not soon be forgotten.\u00a0 If you use this behavior with your children, you are setting them up for a lifetime of worry that every relationship is going to cut-off and they will live their lives constantly on the edge!\u00a0 Yuck!!<\/p>\n<p>Watch for these behaviors in yourself.\u00a0 Ask your partner if they see any of these behaviors.\u00a0 If you are using them, imagine how painful it feels to repeatedly be on the receiving end of it.\u00a0 Work towards staying in the conversation just a little bit longer, or better yet, if you just have to get away from your partner, tell them you need a minute to calm down before you just walk away or hang up.\u00a0 Finally, if you catch yourself doing it, go back to your partner and apologize ASAP.\u00a0 If they see that you are working to change it, they will be more likely to be patient with you as you learn new, healthier ways to communicate when you are in pain!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is emotional cut-off damaging your relationships?\u00a0 Maybe it is, but you don\u2019t even realize that you are doing it! Emotional cut-off is an all too common, primitive mechanism we use to deal with a mass of pain that we can\u2019t handle.\u00a0 It is both unhealthy and ineffective as it temporarily breaks our connection to those [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[522,472,396,889,1242,429,447,409,430,1243],"class_list":["post-3717","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-communication","tag-cut-off","tag-divorce","tag-indianapolis","tag-kathy-henry","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-relationship","tag-relationships","tag-unhealthy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3717"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3717\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4343,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3717\/revisions\/4343"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}