{"id":3720,"date":"2014-04-27T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-27T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/from-your-loved-ones-eyes\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:48:59","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:48:59","slug":"from-your-loved-ones-eyes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/from-your-loved-ones-eyes\/","title":{"rendered":"From Your Loved One’s Eyes"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a couples counselor, one of the things I regularly do is teach people to see things through their loved one\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Honestly, this is one of the most powerful ways to love the people around you<\/strong><\/em> because everyone has a deep need to feel heard and understood!\u00a0 Quite frankly, this is also one of the things people have the most difficulty with learning!<\/p>\n

If we can\u2019t see things through our partner\u2019s eyes, then basically they have their viewpoint and we have ours, and we will never get on the same page.\u00a0 We may literally spend all our time trying to coax them over to our way of thinking, meanwhile, they are trying to convince us that their way is right.\u00a0 Usually, somebody just stops and the debate goes underground along with \u00a0frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment.\u00a0 This is a recipe for future disaster!<\/p>\n

To see things through your partner\u2019s eyes, you\u2019ve got to learn how to set your viewpoint aside<\/strong><\/em>.\u00a0 This is so very hard if you have shame or if you\u2019ve been giving up parts of yourself to get through life.\u00a0 I need you to trust me, however.\u00a0 You need to learn how to do this!<\/i><\/span>\u00a0 Seeing it through your partner\u2019s eyes does not mean you are wrong.\u00a0 It does not mean you are giving up, giving in, or otherwise compromising yourself.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean you lost or that someone got one over on you.\u00a0 It simply means that you are mature enough to, as Harville Hendrix puts it, \u201csuspend your view of the world for a moment and make an honest effort to see theirs.\u201d<\/p>\n

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people relax and feel relief upon hearing their partner finally validate their point of view in my office!\u00a0 That opens the door for connection and intimacy, which is what we all want in the first place!\u00a0 Quite frankly, this is just exercising empathy, but far too few people have skillfully mastered how to express empathy in their relationships.<\/p>\n

You have the option to continue arguing your point until you coerce your partner to give up their belief, opinion, wants, needs, etc.\u00a0 Or, you can show your loved ones that you really love them by getting out of yourself and trying to hear them.\u00a0 See it through the other person’s eyes.\u00a0 Get over into their camp and look through their window.\u00a0 Feel what they are telling you as if you experienced it yourself.\u00a0 Imagine what it must feel like to feel what they are feeling.\u00a0 It really changes things, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

Your loved one is not you!\u00a0 They are going to have differences and to be healthy, we need to learn to value each other\u2019s differences.\u00a0 If we take the best parts of them and combine it with the best parts of us, we\u2019ve got a phenomenal combination!\u00a0 But we\u2019ve got to be mature enough to admit we don\u2019t know everything, we aren\u2019t always right, and someone else might have a viewpoint that makes more sense than ours!<\/p>\n

Try it!\u00a0 Take a risk and really try to see something through your loved one\u2019s eyes for a change.\u00a0 If you do it successfully, you\u2019ll see a sigh of relief and a softening of the heart as they begin to feel heard and understood.\u00a0 It is one of the most loving things you can do to another person!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a couples counselor, one of the things I regularly do is teach people to see things through their loved one\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Honestly, this is one of the most powerful ways to love the people around you because everyone has a deep need to feel heard and understood!\u00a0 Quite frankly, this is also one of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3720","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3720"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3720\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4346,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3720\/revisions\/4346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3720"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3720"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3720"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}