{"id":3819,"date":"2015-01-02T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-02T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/change-relationship-landscape\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:49:06","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:49:06","slug":"change-relationship-landscape","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/change-relationship-landscape\/","title":{"rendered":"Change Your Relationship Landscape"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"HomeThe ideal purpose of marriage and family is to be your true self, to grow,\u00a0to be loved, and accepted, unconditionally. Family can be a place to learn the purpose and place for forgiveness,\u00a0mistakes, apologies, and personal needs being met. Though no family is perfect, everyone is capable of such love…even\u00a0when love is tainted with\u00a0shame and great fears of abandonment. If\u00a0the love in your heart is so far removed and hurt, it is\u00a0difficult\u00a0to love others in such an\u00a0unconditional way.\u00a0Unconditional love\u00a0can change the landscape of your life.\u00a0To no longer fear pain, is to embrace the reality that\u00a0we all make mistakes, no one is perfect, and nothing is owed to\u00a0us. We are each capable of disappointing and hurting one another. Healthy expectations are normal, but how do you react when\u00a0your expectations aren’t met?<\/p>\n

Do you find it difficult to express how you feel with your significant other? Are there moments where you hold back sharing your opinion or experience? Is it\u00a0due to fear of the other person’s reaction? The other person’s opinion or reaction to what you shared? This is often an\u00a0issue that shows up in couples counseling, family counseling, and individual therapy.<\/p>\n

\"codependency\"Adjusting\u00a0how you express yourself is certainly mature and wise in many social situations. But when couples come to me for therapy, they’re looking to be heard and understood. The lack of true, intimate communication is due to\u00a0both people adjusting themselves so much, that they have\u00a0abandoned who they are out of fear.\u00a0Lack\u00a0of honest communication has little to do\u00a0with wisdom and maturity and more to do with fear.\u00a0Resentment after years of not being heard and misunderstood can lead to broken heartedness. But are you contributing to your own lack of being known due to codependency or counter dependency?<\/p>\n

Yes, you can be contributing to the lack of marital intimacy\u00a0by the very nature of how you react or don’t react to the situations in your life. Not being yourself only creates greater distance between you and others around you. Do you do the following in your marriage or family?<\/p>\n

Define your worth based on other people’s reactions<\/p>\n

Express a harmonious opinion as long as it agrees with others<\/p>\n

Seek approval from others through tasks or behaviors<\/p>\n

Change what you might share because of fear of others’ reactions<\/p>\n

Hide the need for affirmation<\/p>\n

Pretend you do\u00a0not need others<\/p>\n

Feel the need to control<\/p>\n

Hypercritically speak to others<\/p>\n

Hide your anger until you are about to explode<\/p>\n

\"self-differentiation\"Many of these characteristics can be found among counter and codependent people. Both personality styles share a “dependency” that is abandoning to the self. Enmeshment is taking responsibility for another person’s reactions and feelings preemptively, in order to control and manipulate. It is not diabolical. It is simply how internal anxiety and fear is managed. Enmeshing causes a person to cross lines and boundaries with others. Enmeshment does not allow a person to be themselves. Enmeshing says “My feeling is not ok, because someone will shame me for it.” “My feeling is not ok, because I will be unloved.”
\nIf you need to change your relationship then change yourself first. Self differentiation is the key. You have the power to have a healthy relationship. May 2015 be a year of peace, love, and harmony!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The ideal purpose of marriage and family is to be your true self, to grow,\u00a0to be loved, and accepted, unconditionally. Family can be a place to learn the purpose and place for forgiveness,\u00a0mistakes, apologies, and personal needs being met. Though no family is perfect, everyone is capable of such love…even\u00a0when love is tainted with\u00a0shame and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,24,32],"tags":[1492,394,466,487,912,469,427,434,576,396,460,407,436,423],"class_list":["post-3819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-abandonment","category-codependent","category-marital-therapy","tag-2015-resolutions","tag-abandonment","tag-anxiety","tag-arguing","tag-carmel-marriage-counseling","tag-communication-issues","tag-conflict-in-relationships","tag-control","tag-depression","tag-divorce","tag-healthy-marriage","tag-indianapolis-marriage-counseling","tag-shame","tag-unconditional-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3819"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3819"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3819\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4434,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3819\/revisions\/4434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}