![\"Enabling\"](\"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/enabling.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
If you answered yes to half of these questions, then you are overly investing in someone else\u2019s life and not enough in your own. If your next thought is, \u201cWell, I have to, it\u2019s my child, my parent, my sibling, my spouse\u2026.\u201d then you are over functioning. Gaining a sense of worth with over functioning is different from feeling happy about helping someone else. Identifying with a love language that says: \u201cI have to do for others to the point that I feel depleted\u201d, \u201cMy wishes are on the back burner\u201d, \u201cI am exhausted\u201d, \u201cSomeone will be disappointed in me\u201d, \u201cSomeone will be mad at me\u201d, \u201cI will not feel okay\u201d, is not a healthy love language. Feeling overly responsible for another person\u2019s issues results in self-abandoning thoughts and behaviors. There is a vast difference between being helpful and being overly involved.<\/p>\n
Enabling takes away responsibility from others. Consider the work people do as doctors, lawyers, mental health therapists, and other problem solvers. Being overly involved takes away the ability to be helpful. The more one identifies with the issues and loses the purpose of support, the less support can be given. Overly identifying with patients and clients can create a sense of helplessness. This is not good or appropriate for someone who has to be able to see the big picture and offer solutions. A doctor cannot feel defeated by a diagnosis of cancer and through a sense of loss just tell a patient that there\u2019s nothing that can be done. Even at stage four cancer, life can be made better, more comfortable, even if cancer cannot be beat. Some people even beat cancer miraculously! A therapist cannot lose hope for the couple or individual who wants to change but doesn\u2019t know how. No matter how challenging a situation, creative, passionate solutions won\u2019t come to mind. Inspiration and passion can flow when one is more self-differentiated instead of emotionally over functioning.<\/p>\n
The Good News!<\/p>\n
![\"Enabling](\"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Enabling-document.jpg\")
Trying to save someone from their own life lessons stops the other person\u2019s learning process. Good, healthy love has trust and patience. Trust provides the ability to allow the journey to unfold based on truth, not on alterations that avoid the truth. The journey to healing doesn\u2019t belong to the doctor, the therapist, or parent. It belongs to the person experiencing the challenge. We all must crawl before we walk. This is essential. The crawl brings about the needed foundations for the walking. This is true in all areas of life. \u201cThe walk\u201d brings about vital information and knowledge. Being overly invested in another person\u2019s journey also takes precious resources and energy needed for your own journey. Allowing your opportunity to be stolen away only keeps you from investing in your own life. We are each responsible for our joy, sanity, and love. No one else can do this for us.<\/p>\n
Grow and let go of what does not belong to you. Remaining self-differentiated allows a person to give another person what is needed without being co-dependent or overly invested. Invest in healthier things. Invest in your life, your dreams, your wishes. You won\u2019t have to over function for others and you\u2019ll have more passion and inspiration to share!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Do you feel emotionally drained? Are you physically drained? Are you surrounded by people who need you? Do you find yourself thinking about other people\u2019s problems? Is it hard to say no? Are you putting your life on hold? Do you have less time for the things that bring you joy? Does your mood change […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[465,466,488,912,468,402,434,510,471,477,500,420,482,430,483,436,486],"class_list":["post-3904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marital-therapy","tag-anger","tag-anxiety","tag-being-healthy-in-a-relationship","tag-carmel-marriage-counseling","tag-co-dependency","tag-codependency","tag-control","tag-controlling","tag-couples-counseling","tag-insecurity","tag-marital-conflict","tag-recovery","tag-relationship-issues","tag-relationships","tag-self-worth","tag-shame","tag-trust"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3904","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3904"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3904\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14383,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3904\/revisions\/14383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3904"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3904"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3904"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}