{"id":3933,"date":"2016-01-31T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-31T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-is-your-anger-pointing-to\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:49:13","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:49:13","slug":"what-is-your-anger-pointing-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/what-is-your-anger-pointing-to\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Your Anger Pointing To?"},"content":{"rendered":"

What is your anger pointing to?\u00a0<\/strong> This is such a difficult, but oh so important question because most of us think we know the answer.\u00a0\"FullSizeRenderAnd when we \u201c know\u201d the answer, we naturally deny it\u2019s possible for our anger to be coming from somewhere else.\u00a0 If you are willing, however, to explore this further, you might discover the key to happiness!<\/p>\n

Years ago I had a realization in working with couples and in my own personal life.\u00a0 I call it, \u201cI feel pain, what did you do?\u201d<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 What happens is that someone is (unknowingly) feeling some pain and they automatically believe that a person near them caused the pain and lash out at them.\u00a0 For example, Jack is driving his family somewhere and gets lost.\u00a0 His wife suggests that he go a different way.\u00a0 Jack rips into her for \u201ctreating him like\u00a0he\u2019s a moron\u201d.\u00a0 Whoa.<\/strong><\/em> \u00a0His wife was merely trying to help, but because he was feeling embarrassment, shame, insecurity, etc. from being lost, as soon as his wife spoke, he had someone to transfer that pain onto and blame for it. \u00a0You know the most insidious part of this ugly process?\u00a0 In this example, Jack actually believes that his wife caused his pain and there is no convincing him that she didn\u2019t!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I see this in my office all the time.\u00a0 We could spend hours talking about the nuances of the interaction in the car, looks on faces, voice inflections, all the past hurts that \u201cprove\u201d it was her fault, etc., but in reality it just boils down to the pain that Jack carries\u00a0inside of himself 24 hours a day\/7 days a week.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look at another example.\u00a0 Sue grew up feeling unloved and uncared for.\u00a0 She has a chronic emptiness inside of her that never seems to get\"IMG_2755\" filled up to her satisfaction.\u00a0 Her husband has a huge project at work that is distracting him even when he\u2019s at home.\u00a0 Sue is feeling emptier and emptier and is getting angrier and angrier as she notices him focused on something other than her.\u00a0 Her thinking is, \u201cIf he would just be a good husband and pay attention to me, I would feel loved!\u201d\u00a0 She has transferred the source of her pain onto her husband and blames him for it.\u00a0 She has essentially assigned him the job of filling the empty hole in her soul.\u00a0 Unfortunately, they will battle this out until death (or divorce) because even if he complies with her wishes, she will never feel whole until she<\/em><\/strong> learns how to fill the hole in her heart.<\/p>\n

\"fingerUnfortunately, this is such a difficult concept to grasp because when we feel pain, we are so convinced the other person caused it.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 And when we stay focused on trying to change the other person and their wrong-doings, we simply will not<\/em><\/strong> find peace in our lives.<\/p>\n

The pathway to peace is found in daring to see past what pricked the surface and delving into the deep emotional waters inside of ourselves.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> When we fix what is broken inside, we no longer have to work so hard to control what is outside and we will quit pointing to everyone and everything around us! \u00a0So when you catch yourself pointing at someone in anger, I encourage you to turn that finger back around on yourself and take a look.\u00a0 You might just find peace and contentment in your life!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is your anger pointing to?\u00a0 This is such a difficult, but oh so important question because most of us think we know the answer.\u00a0And when we \u201c know\u201d the answer, we naturally deny it\u2019s possible for our anger to be coming from somewhere else.\u00a0 If you are willing, however, to explore this further, you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[19,20,22,16,27,28,30,32,18,17,35,36,1],"tags":[394,465,466,1803,434,396,682,972,1481,691,407,1242,429,1236,420,430,436,1804,1805,973,1806],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3933"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3933"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3933\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4532,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3933\/revisions\/4532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3933"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3933"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3933"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}