![\"gossiping\"](\"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/gossiping-226x300.jpg\")
\u00a0\u00a0Do you know someone who uses humor, gossiping, or backstabbing to address their inner anger towards someone else? Gossiping, judging, getting someone else to be angry with you towards a third party is part of what is called “Triangulating” in the recovery world.<\/p>\n
Triangling is when a conflict is being avoided between person A and B, but\u00a0person A feels upset and does not address the conflict with person B. Person A doesn’t feel motivated\u00a0or comfortable to talk it over with person B, so person A discusses it with\u00a0person C. Now person C is carrying\u00a0anger or irritation for person B,\u00a0but person B has no idea why person C or person A is upset with them. Now the circle of conflict and discomfort has grown among more than two people.\u00a0The relationship\u00a0between person B and C is now negatively impacted without B’s understanding or knowledge.<\/p>\n
Person A may feel some relief for\u00a0the short term,\u00a0but will continue to struggle with person B\u00a0until the issue is addressed.\u00a0This behavior is indicative of\u00a0intimaccy issues. By avoiding conflict, person A does not have to be intimate\u00a0and honest with themselves about\u00a0their feelings about themselves or the other person. Person A\u00a0can avoid the uncomfortableness of an honest conversation, which is\u00a0part of intimacy.<\/p>\n
So why does a person choose this behavior? It stems from being insecure or not trusting your inner self. Attempting to make someone else feel your\u00a0anger can\u00a0stem from shame, \u00a0abandonment, co-dependency and a childhood\u00a0family systems model that says that conflict is not safe.<\/p>\n
This is unhealthy for person A and B, not to mention person C. Person A<\/p>\n
is self-abandoning by not learning to resolve the conflict directly with the source of their anger or frustration. This is how we learn about ourselves, so when person A does not use this opportunity to address the issue directly, person A does not understand themselves and their reactions. Person B also does not have an opportunity to learn from the issue or become aware of the issue. Person C becomes the “middle man” and is incorrectly inserted into the relationship between person A and B. The relationship between friends and family in this type of triangle can become strained over time and self-implode.<\/p>\n
Triangling is also unhealthy as it allows for person A to not be responsible for their reactions to a given situation. The focus on the outside world for comfort can be self-abandoning and continues the cycle for person A of being unable to trust their judgements.\u00a0 This can lead to relationships ending, affairs, and other intimact issues of avoidance and cut-off.\u00a0 This is not a skill to be used in any relationship. Address your issues!<\/p>\n
Come into Marriage Counseling at Family Tree Counseling, serving the Indianapolis area, to\u00a0learn how to stop sabotaging your relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0\u00a0Do you know someone who uses humor, gossiping, or backstabbing to address their inner anger towards someone else? Gossiping, judging, getting someone else to be angry with you towards a third party is part of what is called “Triangulating” in the recovery world. Triangling is when a conflict is being avoided between person A and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32,1],"tags":[394,399,465,466,1872,467,1873,468,509,1874,576,475,476,578,490,1875,580,407,477,595,599,436,485,486],"class_list":["post-3982","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marital-therapy","category-uncategorized","tag-abandonment","tag-affairs","tag-anger","tag-anxiety","tag-backstabbing","tag-betrayal","tag-bullying","tag-co-dependency","tag-communicaiton-issues","tag-conflict-avoidant","tag-depression","tag-emotional-affairs","tag-emotional-issues","tag-family","tag-fighting","tag-gossiping","tag-guilt","tag-indianapolis-marriage-counseling","tag-insecurity","tag-jealousy","tag-rage","tag-shame","tag-therapy","tag-trust"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3982","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3982"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3982\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4578,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3982\/revisions\/4578"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}