{"id":4011,"date":"2017-05-15T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-15T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/last-thing-needs-hear-shes-angry\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:49:18","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:49:18","slug":"last-thing-needs-hear-shes-angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/last-thing-needs-hear-shes-angry\/","title":{"rendered":"The Last Thing She Needs To Hear When She\u2019s Angry"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"She\u2019s going to get angry. There\u2019s no possible way you can spend the rest of your life with someone and not have them get angry at you at some point. It is hard to join our lives with another person, to share our personal space, and to navigate our way through each other\u2019s differences day in and day out. So what is the LAST thing a woman needs when she is angry?<\/p>\n

The last thing a woman needs when she is angry is to be told that she shouldn\u2019t feel that way. While you might not be saying the actual words, let me tell you all the ways you might be telling her that with your responses. . .<\/p>\n

\"\"Immediately get defensive. I get it. You don\u2019t believe whatever situation she\u2019s mad about went down the way she thinks it did and you want to set the record straight, but RIGHT NOW is not the time to do so. First, hear her out. You can always let her in on how you see it tomorrow \u2013 when her emotions have calmed down a bit. If you don\u2019t let the emotion come out of her first BEFORE trying to set the record straight, you\u2019re probably just going to make her angrier.<\/p>\n

Tell her to \u201ccalm down\u201d. I get this, too. Your mate is fired up well beyond what you think is reasonable and you feel like you could work through it if only she would calm down. Well, it\u2019s very possible that she can\u2019t right now and telling her to \u201ccalm down\u201d sends the message that she shouldn\u2019t feel the way she does. She can\u2019t help how she feels right now and can\u2019t hear that she should feel the same way you do (calm & logical). Telling her to calm down is a recipe for disaster. Trust me . . . just don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Compare her complaint to one of yours. When you throw out the \u201cBut you do the same thing!\u201d, you are minimizing what she is feeling. Your point may be 100% right, but it will be like throwing gas on a fire. Pointing out one of her faults in response to her anger sends the message that she shouldn\u2019t feel the way she does, and that very rarely (if ever) works to resolve the matter.<\/p>\n

\"\"Match her anger with yours. When you roll your eyes, sigh or groan in disgust, or say things like \u201cHere we go again!\u201d you send a loud message that her complaint is invalid and pointless. And while she may be overreacting, you\u2019ve probably already figured out that these moves don\u2019t make the problem go away.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not suggesting that you admit she\u2019s right, change your view of things, or that how you feel about the situation is wrong. I am, however, saying that when a woman is angry and she gets the message from the person she\u2019s angry at that she shouldn\u2019t feel the way she does, you are in for a fight. Even if you are 100% right, you will not win. You will only make more messes that have to be cleaned up later. If you want to learn how to respond to an angry woman in a way that resolves matters, look for some of our blogs on validation, self-differentiation, or practice the \u2018couples dialogue\u2019 in Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

She\u2019s going to get angry. There\u2019s no possible way you can spend the rest of your life with someone and not have them get angry at you at some point. It is hard to join our lives with another person, to share our personal space, and to navigate our way through each other\u2019s differences day […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4011","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anger","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4011"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4603,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4011\/revisions\/4603"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}