{"id":4085,"date":"2019-05-29T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-29T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/5-things-ive-learned-since-my-divorce\/"},"modified":"2020-05-11T20:49:20","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T20:49:20","slug":"5-things-ive-learned-since-my-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/5-things-ive-learned-since-my-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things I\u2019ve Learned Since My Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I was recently pondering 5 things I\u2019ve learned since my divorce.\u00a0 I don\u2019t take divorce lightly and trust me, I agonized hard\u00a0<\/em>in making the decision, but if divorce is something you are facing, just know there is hope. You will feel every imaginable emotion, from terror to depression to exhilaration and back again. If divorce is in your near future, here are some things you need to know. . .<\/p>\n

It Won\u2019t Kill You<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Ugh . . . the pain! Yes, in the beginning, it will suck, but it is temporary<\/em>.\u00a0 After I separated, I felt like the walking dead for a long time.\u00a0 Even something as simple as eating dinner at a new place was too painful.\u00a0 I\u2019d had so many changes in my life, I couldn\u2019t bear the thought of eating food I wasn\u2019t familiar with.\u00a0 But with each day and with each step forward, it got easier and less painful.\u00a0 It will hurt for awhile, in fact, the longer you were in the relationship, the longer it will take to heal, but I promise it will eventually fade and it won\u2019t kill you.\u00a0Each day get up and keep taking that next step forward.<\/p>\n

You WILL Make Mistakes<\/strong><\/h4>\n

I remember how scared I was venturing out on my own. I had to make decisions by myself. Tons<\/em>. \u00a0Decisions about where to live and about finances, about what to do with my time and who to spend time with.\u00a0 I had to navigate my relationship with my children to incorporate this major change with the least impact on them. \u00a0Mistakes are normal in life and especially when you venture into unchartered territory.\u00a0 Expect that you will make mistakes so that when the time comes, you won\u2019t beat yourself up so much.\u00a0 Figure out how to deal with it and move on.\u00a0 Learn from it so you won\u2019t make a similar mistake in the future.\u00a0 If you need to apologize to someone, then apologize.\u00a0Genuinely.\u00a0 You are going to make mistakes and you will be okay.<\/p>\n

Take Time To Do Your Emotional Work<\/strong><\/h4>\n

One of the best things I did for myself was to take the time to examine the relationship and learn from it.\u00a0Forgive yourself, your Ex, and anyone else that takes up emotional space in your heart.\u00a0Everything that happened, happened as a result of emotional immaturity.\u00a0 Most people aren\u2019t malicious, they are just acting out of their pain and have pretty immature coping skills.\u00a0 Figure out how to not take someone else\u2019s poor coping mechanisms personally and you will open up space in your heart to live more freely and uninhibited.\u00a0Spending time nursing old wounds does not help you AT ALL<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Dating Is Hard<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Although there are SO many ways to meet people now with dating apps and so forth, dating is still hard.\u00a0Getting to know someone new, getting in touch with your feelings about them, knowing who is trustworthy and who is not, getting rejected, having to tell someone they\u2019re not the one . . . it isn\u2019t exactly the romantic comedy you expected.\u00a0 It\u2019s still worth it, though.\u00a0 You will laugh and cry and learn about yourself.\u00a0 You will learn about other people and more importantly, you will learn what you want and don\u2019t want in a relationship.\u00a0 Keep in mind, however, the most important relationship to work on is the one you have with yourself.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t be alone and are too eager to get into a relationship, look out!\u00a0You are not in a good position to make sound decisions about who to be in a relationship with!<\/p>\n

Attitude Makes a HUGE Difference<\/strong><\/h4>\n

After the divorce, \u00a0I realized I had a choice. . . to lay down and die from it, or to live life to the fullest. \u00a0I chose to live.\u00a0 And live I did.\u00a0 The year I got divorced I was turning 50 and I decided to do 50 Fabulous Things that year (FYI, getting divorced was NOT on my list of fabulous things).\u00a0 I tried new things, met new people, and did things I had always wanted to do but had never done. \u00a0I allowed myself to be stretched outside of my comfort zone. \u00a0The year certainly had some painful points, but setting that goal helped mix in some fun and excitement which kept me looking forward.\u00a0 Little did I know at the time that it would be a springboard for the years ahead AND it has since inspired a lot of people which, to me, is the biggest reward.<\/p>\n

My journey has been far from perfect but remembering the pain was temporary, taking it easy on myself as I grew, being content with my own company while staying true to myself, doing my emotional work, and keeping a positive attitude have helped me through it. Divorce is certainly not to be glamorized, but if you have to go through it, there are some things you can do to lessen the sting and ease the journey.\u00a0If you need help along the way, look me up, I am happy to help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was recently pondering 5 things I\u2019ve learned since my divorce.\u00a0 I don\u2019t take divorce lightly and trust me, I agonized hard\u00a0in making the decision, but if divorce is something you are facing, just know there is hope. You will feel every imaginable emotion, from terror to depression to exhilaration and back again. If divorce […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":4086,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,17],"tags":[1157,912,424,396,407,454,717,1468,420,409,1973,1974],"class_list":["post-4085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce","category-relationships","tag-break-up","tag-carmel-marriage-counseling","tag-counseling","tag-divorce","tag-indianapolis-marriage-counseling","tag-indianapolis-relationship-counseling","tag-individual-counseling","tag-kathy-henry-indianapolis","tag-recovery","tag-relationship","tag-survive-divorce","tag-will-divorce-kill-me"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4085"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4640,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4085\/revisions\/4640"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4086"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healingheartsofindy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}