Navigating the stressors of being the default parent comes with several barriers.
Do you feel like you are the parent that typically takes on all the tasks? The parent that is the primary go-to person for all the needs? This is a term called the default parent (DP).
Being the default parent can be an overwhelming role, often bringing with it a unique set of stressors that impact mental health. In many households, certain individuals find themselves shouldering the majority of parenting responsibilities, whether by choice or circumstance. This role, while filled with love and responsibility, can take a toll on mental well-being.
One of the primary stressors while navigating the default parent role is the constant juggling act of managing various aspects of family life. From coordinating schedules to handling unexpected challenges, DPs often find themselves multitasking on a daily basis. This continuous demand for attention and decision-making can lead to feelings of exhaustion and burnout, affecting mental resilience. Additionally, the lack of recognition for the default parent’s efforts can contribute to emotional strain.
Often, these individuals may feel undervalued or unappreciated, as their contributions to the family may go unnoticed. It’s crucial for partners and family members to acknowledge and express gratitude for the tireless work of the default parent, fostering a more supportive and validating environment.
The struggle to maintain a work-life balance is another significant part of navigating the stressors of being the default parent. DPs may find themselves torn between family obligations and professional responsibilities, leading to increased pressure and guilt. Parents who were very focused on their careers can find it difficult to put the job in the back seat.
Parents can also find it challenging to unplug when they get home from work. On the other end, parents can have a hard time missing work for appointments and school functions with their children. Sometimes it can feel like you are letting everyone down and feeling guilty.
It’s essential to establish open communication with employers and create realistic expectations to alleviate some of this stress. Do you find yourself feeling guilty when you want to get some time away and practice self-care? What about feeling like you need to ask permission to go run an errand or go out with friends when the other parent seems to have no problem discussing plans? This can cause the default parent to say make excuses on why they don’t take time for themselves.
Isolation can impact the mental health of the default parent. The constant demands of parenting may limit opportunities for socializing or pursuing personal interests. Building a support network, whether through friendships, family, or parenting communities, can provide an essential outlet for sharing experiences and coping strategies. It is also ok to be a little selfish and focus on what your needs are.
Coping with the stressors of being the DP involves prioritizing self-care. Finding moments for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, and setting boundaries are crucial steps in maintaining mental well-being. Regular communication with partners about shared responsibilities and expectations can also contribute to a healthier and more equitable family dynamic.
Recognizing and addressing the stressors associated with being the default parent is essential for maintaining mental health. Being a parent brings you love and joy that you never could have imagined. However, it is completely natural to also have times of immense stress and being overwhelmed. You are not a bad parent for feeling this way.
By fostering open communication, building support networks, and prioritizing self-care, default parents can navigate the challenges of their role with greater resilience and well-being. You will be a better parent, partner, employee and overall person this way.
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