Someone asked me recently if, by the time a couple seeks marriage counseling, is it already too late? Excellent question! Let me make 2 points in answering this question . . . The Earlier The Better: It is true that the earlier a couple comes, the less damage has been… [Read More]
The Pain Of Projection
I recently got a vivid reminder of the power – and pain – of projection. Projection is when you project your worst beliefs or fears about yourself onto someone else and believe that the other person actually feels that way. Think of a slide projector – if the slide in… [Read More]
Sometimes Intimacy Hurts
Today I would like to discuss one of the finer points of intimacy. There is a mis-conception I’d like to take a swing at clearing up, about what intimacy actually is and how to do it well. In particular, I’d like to talk today about how sometimes intimacy hurts. … [Read More]
The Cure For Loneliness
There are lots of times when clients come in to my office and talk about feeling lonely. They may even be married and have lots of friends, and still they say that they are lonely. The truth is, you can absolutely feel lonely sitting smack dab in the middle of… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Finale
OK, let’s wrap this thing up. There is a language barrier between turtles and hailstorms. Turtles more fluently speak the language of logic, hailstorms more fluently speak the language of feelings. One is not better or worse than the other, they are just different.Turtles and hailstorms can both speak English,… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Part 2
Characteristics of Hailstorms Last time we talked about turtles, so this time we’re discussing hailstorms. You know, those folks that love to talk deeply about emotions, feel an entire range of feelings, and they aren’t scared a bit by them. They can be dramatic, and deeply intimate, and loud, and… [Read More]
Turtles vs. Hailstorms – Part 1
I’m going to do a little three-part segment on an analogy that I learned a long time ago in a therapist training with Harville Hendrix, the author and creator of Imago Relationship Therapy. It is the analogy of the Turtle and the Hailstorm, and how they get into relationships with… [Read More]
The Seven Year *itch
If you can pardon the somewhat vulgar insinuation, I promise I have a point to my choice for the title of this blog. I just brewed up some Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee and am curled up by the fireplace with a warm blanket and my sweet kitty Bart, (ahhh!) and… [Read More]
Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships can include family, friends, co-workers, intimate partners, spouses, just about anyone. Even an acquaintance. Though toxic relationships tend to seem okay on the surface, they are often destructive. You can identify a toxic relationship with some questions. Do you tend to override your instincts? Do you find yourself… [Read More]
Marital Love: Conditional or Unconditional?
When we think about marital love, we think about commitment and wanting that union to go the distance. We want to think and believe that our love when we’re married will never fade or go away. With a divorce rate at 50% or more in our current culture, we know… [Read More]
