Have you ever been in a relationship living in reactivity, feeling like a screech owl? Some people believe no one can 'make' us feel anything. They believe it is all up to us....
Living In Reactivity
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Blogs By: Karen
Hailstorm vs. Turtle
The Hailstorm vs. Turtle is an analogy created by Harville Hendrix to explain some of the very different ways a couple can behave and react within a relationship.Considering all...
Boundaries 101
Welcome to Boundaries 101! Boundaries are a popular and sometimes confusing topic of discussion surrounding relationships. What is a boundary? How do we set healthy boundaries?...
Rethinking Anger Management
RETHINKING ANGER MANAGEMENT One of the most common calls we receive at Healing Hearts revolves around anger management. During a first meeting with a client who has anger issues,...
Guilt? Ok Shame? No Way!
GUILT? OK SHAME? NO WAY Allowing guilt to manifest in shame is a harmful process that occurs way too often. Guilt is healthy. Shame is unhealthy. But I am far ahead of myself,...
Who Is Ready For A Change?
Who is ready for a change? It might appear obvious that the reason we embark upon the journey of therapy is a quest for change. As a therapist, I confirm this concept. One...
Choosing Your People
It is a bright moment in a person's life when the realization comes that there are choices in relationships and the form, substance and significanceof those relationships. We all...
Mindfulness – One Experience
It was Friday evening at twilight, her mindfulness time. She left all electronics, except her phone, in the house and carried her glass of Pinot out to the back deck. Sitting...
Journey Back to Loving (Part 2, sort of)
Is your sense of unworthiness keeping you from embracing, communicating, and meeting your emotional needs? Let's talk. The original intent of this writing was to discuss the book...
Journey Back to Loving (Part 1)
Why do I have to ask him over and over again to take out the trash? I have heard this or a similar question more than once during a first session with couples. Sounds petty? It...
Mindfulness…Another Game Changer
When did you last take the time to ponder? Ponder, one of my favorite words, is defined as “Considering something deeply and thoroughly; meditate and weighing carefully in the...
Communication…Having the Right Conversation With the Right Person
In therapy, as in life, it is essential to remember that each individual and each relationship is unique. Each story is special. There is no magic bullet, no 'one size fits all...
INTIMACY…What is it? Where did it go?
One definition of intimacy is 'a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship'. Another definition is 'sexual intercourse'. The separate nature of...
Self-Abandonment Through Extreme Productivity
When is productivity destructive? Productivity is destructive when it is a need. There is a difference between doing tasks as they need to be done and the need to be productive....
Recreating Our Childhood (Family of Origin Issues Included)
How is it that we often continue to experience the most painful parts of our childhood over and over in our adult lives? If abandonment was present when we were children we find...
Is Trust Really Important? (A Different Approach)
Infidelity brings many couples and individuals to counseling. Most often, the initial issue is layers of anger, shame, blame, resentment and more. At some time during the process...
The Deeper Pain of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Childhood sexual abuse takes many forms. It can be anything from inappropriate touch to rape, with an extensive continuum of victimizing behaviors in between. The abusers can be...
Understanding the System Within the Self
Referring to reactivity, most think of it in a negative context. It is not always screeching (please refer to blog entitled ‘My Life as a Screech Owl’) nagging or crying....
Beware of Therapy! It Can Be a Game Changer.
Relationship trauma is often what brings people to therapy. It can take the form of affairs; emotional cutoff; discovering porn attraction or addiction; physical, emotional, or...
The Best of Everything (A Film Study of Codependence, Abandonment, Denial, and Differentiation)
The Best of Everything is a movie made in 1959, complete with title song performed by Johnny Mathis. New York Times film critic, Howard Thompson, referred to it as a “handsome...
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