Our Blog

If you are tired of getting walked on . . . then get up off of the floor! (Al-Anon saying)

I love this quote.  It succinctly states the obvious that most codependents cannot even begin to see. . . that we have some responsibility in the way that we are being treated.  Below is a poem that one of my most codependent clients ever wrote awhile back  . . .

I am tired . . .

I am tired of fighting, tired of fearing, tired of waiting.

I am tired of looking over my shoulder, disgusted at the past, terrified of the future.

I am tired of feeling less than, dumber than, weaker than, less powerful than.

I am tired of sorrow, tired of boredom, tired of living someone else’s life.

I am tired of being blamed, being placated, and being a burden.

I am tired of trying, tired of playing the game, tired of pretending it’s all okay.

I am tired. . .

Yes, we codependents are exhausted alright, because we allow everyone else to have power over us and then we fight an imaginary (or sometimes real) battle with others to get our power back.  In the poem, the focus is on the exhaustion, the powerlessness of her position, rather than her alternate options.  When we get serious about recovery, we get out of victim-ville and begin to look for other choices and options.  We usually only recognize two:  exert our power and a big ugly mess ensues, or, be powerless.  Since we’re already so tired, and usually prefer to avoid conflict, being powerless is our best option!  But what if she were to have other options?  For example, someone posed a question to my client.  She was faced with having to respond “yes” or “no”.  Seems like she has only two options, right?  But what if she didn’t respond right now?  What if she told the person she would get back to them later after she had time to think about it?  That is keeping some of her power!  Or, what if she said “yes, but only under these conditions. . .”?  Are you getting the picture?

Codependents are constantly operating with little or no power, yet we are in a perpetual game of tug-of-war!  No wonder we are exhausted!  Once we realize that  our toughest opponent in our game of tug-of-war is ourselves, our battles will stop.  Stop and force yourself to look for other options.  Find ways that you can reclaim your power.  Learn how to use that power in a healthy and responsible way and before long, you will be up off the floor and free from the exhausting bondage of codependency!