4 Types of Intimacy in a Relationship
Intimacy can be defined as feeling closely connected to an individual in your life in the areas of
emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual. If you would ask 100 different people what the
definition of intimacy is, you might get 100 different answers because intimacy in a relationship can be felt and
received in multiple ways for each individual. The same goes for yourself and your significant other. Everyone doesn’t receive or give in the same fashion when it comes to intimacy, which is why it is vastly important to understand how your significant other would define intimacy in all areas of your relationship.
In the brief definition above, I outlined four categories intimacy in a relationship can fall into: emotional,
physical, intellectual, and spiritual. You might be able to add a few more to the list, but in my
practice, these are the main areas of intimacy I have seen that make the biggest impact in a
healthy relationship. Making sure to be well-rounded with your significant other in all four is
critical.
Diving further into each category, let’s look into emotional intimacy, where one communicates
their deeper feelings, and expresses them in an honest and open way. Emotional intimacy is
when you are able to see deeper into someone’s thoughts, feelings, past, or future self. It
allows the other person to see you for who you are and for you to not hide behind who you
believe the person wants to see. Trusting they won’t judge or try to change your opinion. It
takes a lot of strength and vulnerability to be emotionally intimate, but when one leans into it,
bonds continue to grow deeper.
Physical intimacy is what may first come to mind when one hears the word intimacy in general.
However, discussing, intimacy is way more than the physical action of sex. While sexual
intercourse is a part of physical intimacy, it isn’t the only form. Holding hands, hugging, kissing,
and showing one another affection through different forms of physical touch are all just as
important.
It is showing the other you are wanting to make them feel seen and loved outside of
the bedroom, as well as in. When it comes to sexual intercourse, discussing openly about each
other’s desires or wishes, and allowing for a safe space to communicate without judgement is
all a part of physical intimacy as well, which leads to greater intercourse.
When it comes to Intellectual intimacy in a relationship, being able to share of one’s hobbies, interest, and truly
wanting to support them as a sign of love and admiration is very important. You don’t have to
enjoy every hobby or interest your significant other does, you just have to be able to show your
support and want to, simply because it’s an interest of theirs.
You may have no interest in their specific craft or sport hobby, but supporting them, and seeing them light up is the reason you want to show interest. Intellectual intimacy also involves being able to discuss different or
similar opinions in a respectful conversation. It also involves trying new activities or events
together, in order to bond and grow closer.
The fourth category that I would define intimacy with is spiritual intimacy. Spiritual intimacy
doesn’t have to be for everyone, but is a major form of intimacy that adds to a healthy
relationship. Sharing each other’s beliefs and values, in all forms, is beneficial. As stated earlier,
one doesn’t have to agree or fully understand their significant other’s belief or stance, but
respecting and becoming curious in their belief is a way to grow closer to each other and
understand importance in one’s life. Connecting spiritually could include religion beliefs,
spiritual or philosophical. Understanding and connecting on practices in one’s life and how it
impacts their relationships, daily practices, and lifestyle is important.
Making sure you are communicating openly in all four areas will help you grow in intimacy
within your romantic relationships. While intimacy isn’t something that one may have been
taught, one can still learn and continue to grow in this area if they are open to it.
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