When couples come to me to work on their relationship, 9 out of 10 times sex is the last topic they bring up. We go through their struggles on communication, not feeling heard, not being appreciated, and when I ask then if there is anything else they are having an issue with, they look at each other with an awkward smile and say “well, our sex life could use some work…”. It can be very uncomfortable to talk about sex because people find it taboo or inappropriate. Well, I like to say that sex can be empowering!
Say it with me…
Sex
Sex
SEX
When a couple feels cringy to talk about sex, they stay silent about it. Typically, that leads to a lack of physical intimacy or the sex they are getting is not fulfilling. I want to break the stereotype of not being able to talk about sex with your partner.
Don’t be afraid to bring up desires or fantasies with your partner. Just because your partner is telling you something new they want to try doesn’t have to mean you are terrible in bed. It means they just want to get out of the typical routine. Sex doesn’t need to be vanilla. Spice is up!
When sex starts feeling more like a chore, allow yourself to explore what the reasoning behind it is. Are you just too tired because of all the other things you have going on in your life? Are you bored? Could you be using that time to check something off on the to-do list? First off, it is okay to feel that way. Realize what the issue is and decide how you want to fix it. If you need to schedule sex, do it. Make it exciting! Try new things! Get out of your comfort zone! Learn how to be vulnerable with each other and talk about sex and what you are wanting!
Stop being uncomfortable when talking about your sexual needs. Sex is a natural part of a relationship and it is ok if you want to explore a new sexual side. Embrace sex!
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