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Healthy Conflict In A Relationship

Conflict is something that every person has to go through no matter what the relationship may be. When people think of conflict, their mind goes straight to arguing or a fight. This typically can discourage wanting to have a conversation. However, there is such a thing as healthy conflict.

Presentation.

The way you present the conversation truly sets the tone for how it is going to go. If the person who you are trying to speak with seems to be in a bad mood, if they are distracted, or if they have somewhere, they need to be then it might be good to schedule a time to talk. There is nothing more frustrating when having a conversation than to feel like you are not being hear or feeling like you are on a time limit.

Try using “I feel” statements.

Using the works “you,” “always,” or “never” can be an immediate spiral with unhealthy conversation. Walls go up and it is now game on. When you use “I feel” statements, it now makes it more emotions based. Your feelings are valid, and it won’t be as accusatory.

Be aware of hitting trigger buttons.

It can be very easy to want to hit below the belt when we feel upset. However, that can cause a vicious cycle of reactions and trigger buttons. The conversation no longer becomes productive and now it’s more of who is going to win and who is going to lose the fight.

Be respectful and use active listening.

In conflict, people will likely listen to respond instead of listening to actually hear. Be respectful when communicating. Have empathy and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You have to go into the conversation thinking about what you are wanting to get resolved. Remember that everyone is allowed to have their own feeling and perceptions. Don’t get caught in the weeds.

Emotional intimacy is not always pretty. However, you have to have the uncomfortable conversations to have growth in the relationship. You don’t have to automatically think that conflict is going to lead to a fight. You have to have the emotional maturity to work through the problem which will then bring more trust and closeness in the relationship.