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Recently on vacation, an opportunity arose to teach our teenage son a valuable lesson. We were fishing for the highly esteemed lake trout and when our son reeled in the first one, it was huge! We had planned to eat some fish on our trip, so naturally the question arose about keeping it. Weighing in at 14 lbs., this big guy would surely have fed us well, but my son wanted to release him. It was his fish, and therefore his decision; so he released it. He was, however, conflicted the rest of the day fearing we didn’t agree with his choice. No one had thought twice about it, but my son was obviously wrestling with his decision. Upon probing, it was clear that he felt good about his decision, he just wasn’t sure that everyone else was okay with it. It was the perfect occasion to help my son recognize his internal compass and learn how to stay true to himself.
This brings to mind numerous clients over the years who have struggled with similar problems. First, we must know what we want and need. Oftentimes, that is the hardest part. In our relationships, we sometimes lose touch entirely with ourselves and cannot even articulate what we need anymore. When this happens, we have to step back and relocate our desires. Once we are in touch with our wants and needs, that brings us to the second point; we must stay true to ourselves. When those around us are unaccustomed to us having a differing want or need; expect pushback. We must be able to withstand scrutiny and advocate for ourselves. Many of us spend too much time needlessly justifying our desires to those around us or give up our wants in the face of scrutiny.
My son didn’t need to rationalize his decision to the rest of us. He knew what he wanted and he followed through. The only person he had to persuade was himself and that was done within seconds of landing the trout. As we become more true to ourselves, may our fears of scrutiny for our desires swim away as fast as the fish my son released.