Eliminate Your Shame Voices!

by Kathy | Mar 2, 2014

If you have shame, you have shame voices. Shame is the deep belief that we are bad, stupid, worthless, etc. The shaming voices are the messages that play in our head, a...

What Not To Trust!

by Kathy | Feb 23, 2014

If there is one thing I’ve learned in all of my recovery work, it is do not trust a sense of urgency! That overwhelming sense that I must do something right now is usually a...

8 Signs of a Rescuer

by Kathy | Feb 16, 2014

Would your friends describe you as someone who “would do anything for anybody”? Or as someone who “goes way out of his way to help people”? Maybe your spouse complains because...

Shame Fractures The Soul!

by Kathy | Feb 9, 2014

I had an amazing session this week with a client who was just beginning to see, and talk about, something people all over the world are plagued with every single day! I see it...

Why Couples Can’t Communicate

by Kathy | Feb 2, 2014

So many couples entering marriage counseling cite communication as their chief complaint. The problem isn’t that they can’t communicate. The problem is they have stopped...

The Source of Misery In Your Marriage

by Kathy | Jan 26, 2014

I’ve been counseling couples now for 8 ½ years. I’ve seen them at every stage and, of course, I’ve experienced most of those stages myself. With all of that to witness, one...

How To End An Argument

by Kathy | Jan 19, 2014

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. You may not even be speaking to (or even looking at) one another, so how do you go about ending an argument without...

Are You In A No-Win Argument?

by Kathy | Jan 12, 2014

Nothing drives me crazier than being in a no-win argument. What’s worse is when I don’t even know that I’m in one, but I keep arguing thinking I will get my point heard! Here’s...

Are You A Manipulator?

by Kathy | Jan 5, 2014

I contend that we all manipulate others in some fashion or another. That’s not good news to most of us because we all have a bad association with that word, don’t we? To be...

The Difference Between ‘In Love’ and ‘Love’

by Kathy | Dec 29, 2013

What’s the difference between ‘in love’ and ‘love’? I hear people all the time say, “I love them, but I’m not in love with them anymore.” How do you know if you love somebody or...

How Does True Love Go So Wrong?

by Kathy | Dec 22, 2013

It is a question faced by so many couples that start out with a love so strong, so consuming, so sure that it is unfathomable that they could ever not love each other. And yet,...

Who Can You Trust?

by Kathy | Dec 15, 2013

Ever wonder how to know who you can trust and who you can’t? Don’t just go by how they treat you, pay attention to how they treat others! Certainly you’ll want to watch their...

Are You An Avoider?

by Kathy | Dec 8, 2013

Are you an avoider? Don’t answer too quickly; avoidance can be so subtle that we are not even aware we are doing it! Why do we need to avoid? To keep harmony in our...

How To Give The Perfect Gift

by Kathy | Dec 1, 2013

It's holiday season and the daunting task of finding gifts for everyone you love is upon us once again. Trust me. The odds of the perfect gift jumping out at you while roaming...

How To Get Control Of Your Anger

by Kathy | Nov 24, 2013

I’ve often said that anger is not about the other person, and that is true, but what does that mean? How do you get control of out of control anger? Intense anger is really a...

Codependence/Counterdependence & The Evolution of War!

by Kathy | Nov 17, 2013

Last week I talked about enmeshment and how it causes fighting. Let me explain how codependence and counterdependence play into it creating a volcanic eruption in many...

Why Enmeshment Causes Fighting

by Kathy | Nov 10, 2013

Why does enmeshment cause a couple to fight? Enmeshment is a term we use to describe a relationship that is too close, too “other” centered, and is too dependent on the other...

Fear: The Root Of All Issues

by Kathy | Nov 3, 2013

Here's a theory - simple, profound, and probably true: All of our issues stem from fear! Think about it - abandonment is a terrifying fear of being left, being alone, being...

Defensiveness Is A Marriage Killer!

by Kathy | Oct 27, 2013

Do you aggressively defend yourself? Do you interrupt your partner when they are speaking with an urgent message about yourself? I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure about...

What Does Maturity Look Like?

by Kathy | Oct 20, 2013

I was asked a great question recently. . . How do you know what is “mature”? Clearly, if you are coming to counseling or reading self-help articles and blogs online, something...

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