If there is one thing I’ve learned in all of my recovery work, it is do not trust a sense of urgency! That overwhelming sense that I must do something right now is usually a sign that whatever I’m about to do is unhealthy and not well thought out.
Certainly there are clear and easily identifiable exceptions to this rule, like when the house is on fire or when your 2 year old is about to go tumbling down the stairs. In everyday life, however, a sense of urgency is a sign that some deeper issue is driving you emotionally, so beware! Let me give you some examples, “I need to text him right now and tell him what a jerk he is!” No, you don’t. What good will come from doing it right this second? What would be so detrimental about waiting until after work, or until the next day when you have slept on it? Another one I often see is, “I need to know if we’re going to be in this marriage or not!” Why do you need to know? What would you be doing if you knew your marriage wasn’t going to work out? In both examples, the person is operating off of pure emotion and rational thought has taken a back seat.
I remember a time when I was very angry with my son’s wrestling coaches. I was racing to the school fuming and wanted to give them a piece of my mind. My sense of urgency was overtaking rational thought and the big picture was nowhere in sight! Fortunately, I could recognize that I was – shall we say – compromised? I called one of my fellow wrestling moms saying, “Just tell me not to go in there!” Luckily she listened and talked me off the ledge. I can imagine how that scene would have played out if I had followed that overwhelming sense of urgency! So instead of them carrying my kicking, screaming little body out and unceremoniously dumping me in the snow, I calmly sat with the Athletic Director the next day and aired my complaints. Which do you think was more productive in the long run?
What about you? When do you feel that sense of urgency driving you? A need to tell someone off? A need to get divorced or move out when you are angry at your spouse? A need to reply immediately to an email that upset you at work? A decision never to speak to someone again? Jumping in bed with someone else because you are mad at your spouse? (yes, sadly, this actually happens) A need to resolve the argument right now even though your partner asked for some time to process what happened?
What if instead of following that sense of urgency, you looked inside yourself and tried to figure out what you really needed at that moment? Are you lonely? Scared? Hurt? Feeling wronged? Judged? Helpless? These are all natural feelings, but they are incredibly uncomfortable and we want immediate relief. See the bigger picture and know that following that sense of urgency will only get you temporary relief at best. If you can learn to sit through the uncomfortable feelings instead, you will learn a great deal about yourself, and gain a much greater sense of control over your life!
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