Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Be careful what you ask for and for SURE be careful what you pray for. If you have prayed or otherwise asked the Universe for the trait of patience, you are in for quite a ride!
So patience, in my most humble opinion, is not something that is magically endowed upon us by a Higher Power. It is not given, but earned, and learned. The process of learning patience is not necessarily a pleasant one, although most would consider having it a worthy goal. My question is, exactly how bad do you want it? Just what are you willing to endure to get it? It’s not a journey for the feint of heart.
I think that patience is learned, first of all, with an awful lot of practice. What does that mean? Mostly, that you will be given ample opportunities to practice. Doesn’t that sound exciting? “Dear Lord, please send me lots and lots of annoying, quarrelsome, and naive people that I might become more patient.” Ya, that gets uttered a lot, I bet. It is, however, a good way to begin to develop your patience skills. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
In order to take patience to a new and deeper level that transcends the norm, a little deeper study of self is warranted. Self-awareness is key to start down this deeper path, along with a brutally honest accounting of all of one’s own flaws and imperfections. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Not only do I have to hang around annoying people all the time, now I have to look at how imperfect I am? Delightful, isn’t it?
Next, I have found that being able to have a deep level of patience comes from first receiving a huge dose of grace. From God, from everyone around me….just total grace. Once I looked in the mirror, I mean really LOOKED, I realized how much grace and forgiveness and patience I needed in order to be loved and accepted. Wow, it was a lot. It still is a lot, because I’m still not perfect. Far from it. And I thank God and all of those I love that they are able to give it. This, more than anything else, allows me to give it to others.
Finally, having lots of practice at keeping reactivity, and over-seriousness, under control. This is the big leagues when you get to this point, because it requires getting your own issues figured out and having lots of practice at recognizing what is mine to own and what is someone else’s issue to own. Being able to do this in the moment it is happening takes a lot of practice, and it’s always the hardest with those that are the closest to us in relationship. Yep, your family of origin, spouse, and closest friends. After all, they are the best at “pushing our buttons”, right? They are our gifts, meant to give us lots and lots of practice.
I admit, it’s a hard sell. It just sounds like absolutely no fun, huh? I would admit, the process is less than fun, and it is ongoing our entire lives, not something we pick up overnight. I do believe, though, that it is a worthy undertaking and finding the humility it takes to achieve true patience is part of the core curriculum of life.
Thanks for reading my work! If you have a topic you would like me to blog about, send me an email at [email protected] I would be happy to oblige!
Healing Hearts provides counseling services to the surrounding communities of Indianapolis, Fishers, Carmel, Zionsville, Westfield, Noblesville, and Geist. Call or text today to set up your appointment. 317-218-3038
© 2014 Nancy Eisenman, MSW
Our Blog