Religious trauma is growing in popularity as a reason why people seek therapy. While
many people find comfort in their faith beliefs and their religious communities, other
people have realized that they experienced harm from these same beliefs and
communities. Every person is different so what causes harm to one person might not
cause harm to another person. This reality does not invalidate either person’s
experience. Trauma has been described as anything that is “too much, too soon, too
fast” or “not enough for too long”. Something that is too much for one person’s nervous
system won’t be too much for another person. Trauma is less about what happens to
you and more about how your nervous system reacts to it.
So what are some of the things in religious communities that people’s nervous systems
have experienced as trauma? (I was raised in the Evangelical tradition so my examples
will lean heavily on that experience but other traditions have similar practices even if
they are called different things.)
Purity Culture: This includes things like being told that sex outside of marriage is
a sin and being shamed for developmentally appropriate feelings and desires.
Young people in religions that practice purity culture often rush into marriages so
that they can have sex without guilt. Unfortunately, this can result in people
making what is seen as a lifelong commitment before they really know who they
are and what they want out of life. This has also resulted in people ending up in
marriages with abusive partners and feeling like they are trapped because “God
hates divorce”.
For girls, purity culture also includes being told that we are responsible if a boy (or an adult man) thinks of us in a sexual way and that it’s
our job to make sure that doesn’t happen with the way we dress, move, and talk.
This type of thinking contributes to a culture where if a girl or woman is sexually
assaulted, we are blamed for it because of what we wore, what we drank, who
we were with, etc.
I was once told by an adult male youth leader that I shouldn’t
come to youth group with wet hair because it could cause men to think of me in
the shower and thus naked. At the time I was embarrassed and ashamed. Now I
wonder if that youth leader should have been allowed around children.
Spiritual Bypassing: This can take a lot of forms but the main idea is that we don’t
have to sit with hard emotions or have hard conversations because we should
just “give it all to God”. Worry and grief are made out to be signs of a lack of faith
of God, God’s goodness, God’s plan for your life, etc.
If a person in authority over
you causes you harm, instead of expecting others in authority to support you and
hold that person accountable, you are expected to trust that God will bring them
to justice or you are to pray for them and their spiritual healing. What often
happens instead is the person who caused the harm goes on to harm more
people because they have learned that they will not face consequences.
Money: In the Evangelical tradition, giving money to the church is called tithing.
How much tithing is emphasized varies greatly between congregations. Some
congregations strictly adhere to a verse in the Bible which commands people to
give 10% of their earnings to the church. Other congregations simply encourage
people to give as much as they can, sometimes while promising that God will
bless you more the more you give.
All of this can lead to people who are barely
able to make ends meet giving away money to the church that could be going
towards food for their families, gas money to get to work, etc. All the while
believing that God will reward them for this sacrifice.
While some people do end up in circumstances that they attribute to God blessing them, many people are
left without basic necessities, including children who have no say in what their
parents spend their money on. This is especially egregious in congregations
where the pastor is using that money to buy a mansion, a private plane, or a
luxury sports car. While I am the first person to say that no one should be
expected to live in poverty simply because of the job they have chosen to do, it
should not be at the expense of the people they are supposedly serving.
There are plenty more examples of religious trauma that I will touch on in another blog
but if any of this is ringing a bell for you, one of my specialties as a therapist is religious
trauma. I would love to help you heal from the things that were too much, too soon, too
fast, or not enough for too long for your nervous system.
Learn More: https://healingheartsofindy.com/emotional-abuse/
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