In the course of my 5 years as a marriage counselor, I still am amazed at times at how people’s knee jerk reactions are so self-defeating. They can’t see it, of course, not even a glimpse! It is, however, plain as day to me, the neutral body watching in horror as people systematically destroy the relationship they want so desperately.
I once heard, in my training, that the couples who fight the hardest, most brutal fights are the ones who want the relationship to work the most. I totally didn’t ‘get it’ then, but I sure do now. Let’s look at the core of the fight instead of the spitting anger and dishes flying. What he wants more than anything is for her to love him. As he communicates what he needs, in unclear and unhealthy ways, it triggers her issue, let’s say it makes her feel like she’s doin