Your recovery is about you and recognizing that you are not defined by the things that happen to you. Your recovery is about being separate, having a self, (self-identity) from the things that happen around you. Your recovery is not about wanting to change others, but to change yourself. Emotional health and security is knowing your responses are based in your past life, current life, and dictate how you respond to everything that happens in your life. it is NOT reacting to a sense of loss as a personal death, because you are DEFINED by the things that happen to you or around you. If that was the case, every time something painful happened you would fall apart, blame yourself, crumble in feelings of being out of control, ashamed, etc. and the world would cease to exist. Although there are times that life can send anyone into this tailspin, it matters what you tell yourself, what you teach yourself, and what you are emotionally feeding yourself. Again, you are not the things that happen to you….even when you are reacting with huge fear about what’s happening to you, but it’s not you. You are still you; the wonderful, good, worthy, deserving of unconditional love creation that you were before you knew about the devastating news that was brought to your attention.
If you’re response is based in fear, you won’t be able to see the opportunity to understand yourself or someone or something else, something larger than your emotional experience. You could miss the learning influence among your reactive feelings. Your one feeling will be the over arching view of that moment and create a false belief for yourself in the future. More unhealthy perspectives and beliefs about yourself will be fed and these will grow stronger.When you become afraid (you may or may not be aware that you are) you see things from a primal, defensive posture. A posture that says “A great threat is on the horizon and I am not going to be okay.” The brain is flooded with chemicals that skew our ability to have a more broader scope.
Whether you feel traumatized by an affair, a betrayal from a friend, or childhood abuse, all the sensory perceptions say “This is not okay, I can’t exist in this space.” This is normal in childhood, to have experienced trauma and its devastating affects. However, as adults, the full brain and long love-needing heart can say “Okay, I want to be stronger than my fears, I need to take this moment to learn about myself in this struggle and not run or deny.” “I will and can exist no matter what happens to me.” Now I’m not encouraging a belief system that says its okay to endure any type of abuse. What I’m addressing is building trust, recognizing your over-corrective reactions of not being able to receive love and trust as it is presented to you. And lastly, not loving and trusting yourself, which is the reason for not trusting others.
Fear is not a stop sign, its a reaction. Anger is the cover-up. Do not run. Don’t stop…instead, face the fear, walk with and acknowledge your feelings of fear, walk through the fire, while hold someone’s hand, know you will survive and continue to exist regardless of the what might be on the other side of your greatest pain. You can make it and you have it in you to do it. Know this for yourself; you are and you will continue to be, no matter what.