Before The Fire Starts
By: Rachael
June 23, 2023

Did you just start a relationship or do you find yourself glancing at the new diamond on your hand?  Or maybe you just celebrated your 5th year anniversary. What an exciting time in your life. I’m sure you are full of happiness and anticipation for what’s to come from your new relationship status and life. As a marriage counselor, there are some things you should know before the fire starts.

Life can take us on all different paths and journeys, but during an exciting time in our life, the last thing we want, is to think of is our relationship having a rough patch. I’m not here to burst your bubble, but I am here to help you be realistic with your expectations for your relationship. Relationships are difficult and they aren’t always full of laughter, sunshine, and roses. There will be times, either in your dating phase, engagement or early marriage years, that you will question yourself and your relationship. Don’t freak out, that is normal and actually a good thing. It’s healthy to check in on yourself and your relationship before the fire starts, not just let life run its course. Instead, learn how to have difficult conversations in order to take control over your life and your relationship.

What do healthy check ins do? Healthy check ins keep us accountable; help keep our partner accountable; and insure we are not abandoning our own needs to please our partner. I’ve said it before, and I will keep saying it for the ones in the back, your needs matter just as much as your partners, not more, but just as much. Taking the time to check in weekly, first with ourself and then with our partner, helps to make sure we are in alignment, and helps to keep the flame from spreading. Discussing what your partner could improve upon and hearing constructive feedback can help keep your relationship where you both want it. When we take the time to reflect over the last week, we can try to eliminate the bigger fights. There will be arguments, but check ins will help to keep them controllable. Your best chance of success will occur if you master this skill before the fire starts. If you find yourself needing further help beyond your healthy check ins, there is no shame in seeking help from a professional. Getting extra help can make the difference between a flame and a full fire.