Here’s a video link for listening/watching instead. Just copy and paste. http://youtu.be/mmuvnvIbdDQ
Do you often ask yourself, “What did I do to deserve this? ”
You are blaming yourself for someone else’s behavior. Wearing the guilt for another person’s choices.
Self blame is common and frequent. I can’t express enough how many times I’ve been addressing an affair situation with a couple during therapy and the spouse who didn’t have the affair seems to blame themselves for the other person’s choices there is plenty of times when people might blame themselves or feel negatively reflected upon by another person’s behaviors or actions from a family member
Blaming yourself for another person’s choices is truly about self abandonment. Children are taught that it is shameful to behave in certain ways, which is shaming. As a result , children to learn to minimize feelings and to feel afraid of feelings, so pain remains hidden to hide pain because an adult has instructed this thinking.
Self blame is common and frequent. There are so many examples of self-blame even when it’s clearly not your responsibility. Life provides opportunities for children and adults alike to feel responsible for someone else’s feelings, choices, and situations over which they had no control. For example, in trauma or dealing with affair healing. A child who feels to blame for the trauma they endured. Or the spouse who didn’t have the affair seems to blame themselves for the other person’s choices. There are plenty of such examples when people might blame themselves or feel negatively reflected upon by another person’s behaviors or actions from a family member
Blaming yourself for another person’s choices is truly about self abandonment. Allowing unhealthy responsibility that leaves little room for your own self preservation or healing. It is very normal for parents to teach children that it is shameful to behave in a certain as poor behavior is a negative reflection upon parents. Although this is normal and common for
parents to do, children learn to minimize feelings (self-abandonment) and learn to feel afraid of feelings which remain hidden.
However well-intentioned parents were during parenthood, this plays out negatively in adulthood when adults experience conflict or trauma with their significant others or with their own children. Carrying your own emotional baggage is hard enough. It’s only harder if we choose to carry around someone else’s baggage!