By: Javan
January 30, 2020

blameBlame Is Ugly

The Blame Game is a trap to keep you in a lower position in life. Blaming says, “there’s nothing I can do about how I feel or respond to this scenario. I have no control, so I’m a victim.” It also perpetuates the “she or he is the bad guy, villain, and has total power” story. “I am only as worthy as the negative things that happen to me!” 

Blame Is Disempowering

“My abuse made me who I am!” No, you are a whole person worthy of loving human expectations. You are not your abuse. “But she cheated!” You are more than the negative, hurtful moments in your life.

Blame Can Be Visited

Blame, like anger, isn’t home-base.  It is a strong, protective experience in the brain that says, “All my attention is drawn to this for good reason.” It’s a starting point, something to notice or pay attention to, not home-base. Living IN blame would be like living in anger. Toxic!

Blame Deflects From the Fullness of Truth

Understanding our reason to blame means understanding our why. This understanding reveals what needs we have and our reasoning. Our reasoning does not necessarily speak to the intention of others. This is a one sided experience, like judging or having an opinion. It is unlike a universal truth. Blame doesn’t speak to the “Why” or intent.

Blame Detracts From Reality

The reality is that we do from time to time become part of someone’s negative projection, coping, or issue. Whether we feel hurt, disappointed, or let down. These are acceptable and real parts of life. Because we all inadvertently disappoint and hurt each other. What you do with it matters.  Avoidance and denial only causes more helplessness which results in more anxiety, fear, and worry.

Blame Lacks Personal Accountability

Blaming says I have no responsibility for myself with this situation. The issue has occurred in a vacuum and I am helpless to change my status.  If someone or something has harmed you or inflicted pain into your life, how you process and move through the challenge is up to you. That means taking responsibility for yourself in how you initially respond and what comes after.

Don’t let the blame game ruin your life and your relationships. If you don’t become empowered by life’s challenges, the moments you feel offended will consume you and increase learned helplessness and anxiety. Don’t allow yourself to become trapped by the lack of personal responsibility and growth that can come from life’s challenges. Don’t stop at blame. It’s a fine place to visit, but you’re better off taking personal responsibility for your reaction in order to move along so you begin to create more positive life experiences!