Ah, the blended family. Every parent’s dream, right? Obviously when we start our lives, we don’t count on ending up in a situation like this. The happily ever after in our minds rarely includes things like divorce and blending families. This doesn’t mean we can’t make the most out of these situations and create a healthy loving environment. Here’s how:
Don’t Force It
Patience is everything in situations like this. As adults, we wouldn’t be expected to become best friends overnight with a stranger—why should our kids? Any relationship takes time and patience to build. Remember that these changes are not choices of theirs, and use that knowledge to be sensitive to the transition they’re experiencing when blending families.
Accepting Differences
All children—all individuals—have their differences. It’s not realistic to expect a group of kids merging from various households to hold the same routines or behaviors. Because they are arriving with different frames of reference, children won’t automatically adjust to potentially opposite norms and rules. They have diverse learned experiences and personalities and they deserve to be separately celebrated for these.
Consistency is Key
As touched on, adjustments are stressful for anyone, but particularly for children. Young people can become overstimulated by change and may also take longer to pick up on the nuances involved in merging lifestyles. Ensuring both parental figures in the household are on the same page is essential for providing a consistent atmosphere for blending families. Consistency in setting rules as well as consequences for the children will assist with some of the growing pains that each child is bound to experience.
Limit Expectations
Just as there are no perfect people, there are no perfect families. A blended family is no exception to this rule, so it would be silly to expect it to be smooth sailing 100% of the time. If children are taking a while to adjust to their new parental figure, their new siblings, or their new environment, take that as par for the course. If they are met with consistency, care, and respect for their emotions, the adjustments will come in due time.
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