Maybe you have heard of codependent or counterdependent before, but you don’t think that resonates with you. When you think of codependent, you may think of someone who can’t do life alone and needs to have someone there to hold their hand? To some people codependent can be more negative than positive, and in some ways that’s true. Too much of anything isn’t good, but a healthy amount of codependent, and a healthy amount of it’s partner counterdependent, is where we want to fall. To understand further, let’s dive deeper into the meaning behind both.
Codependent characteristics are as follows: insecure, dependent and needy, other focused, and/ or passive. Someone who falls more under codependent can be insecure in their relationships or about their self as an individual. They can dependent on someone else for their emotional needs and not develop their own independence. While it’s healthy to be focused on others, too much focus, leaves one empty with no focus for their individual needs.
Counterdependent characteristics are as follows: confident/ cocky, independent, self-focused, and/ or controlling. Individuals who align more with counterdependence have a high sense of themselves and can been seen as believing they are better than others. They can be overall independent; independent in a way where it is difficult for another to become close to them. This is usually learned overtime as a safety mechanism. Self-focused is a characteristic of counterdependence that doesn’t involve empathy for other’s needs. Controlling can be also seen as a safety-mechanism that can be learned overtime. This characteristic can be overbearing to others, allowing no room for other opinions.
Take a moment and be honest with yourself; which one do you resonate with most? Do you fall heavy on one side or do you see characteristics of yourself in each one? Just because you don’t lean heavy on one side, doesn’t mean you can’t find more balance in your life. Being honest with yourself and becoming aware of areas in which you want to grow, is the first step in any change.