Should I really start dating again? Am I going to make the same mistakes? Maybe I should just be single.
Are you considering entering the dating arena after the divorce separation or break up?
Entering the dating scene can be very intimidating especially after knowing how painful a divorce separation or major break up has been for you in the past.
Most people can’t even fathom dating someone else, beginning a new relationship, or simply afraid of making the same mistakes in another relationship.
All of these fears are perfectly normal and understandable. You are very healthy to have the insight that you may be part of what could be going wrong in your relationships. Since you’re the only person you control it’s a an empowering insight. Most people ask am I going to make the same mistakes again?
A couple things to remember. First, no relationship is perfect or feels happy all the time. Secondly, we bring our own issues to the relationship.
The first point is important to remember because people bring forward their best self and eventually their flaws show up. Flaws are acceptable and normal part of living. How we react respond and are affected by those flaws influences how we feel or don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship.
The second point is very important because, we bring our own flaws into relationships. Therefore how we present our flaws to the other person, how they react, and are influenced by our flaws affects how the relationship feels to the other person.
What’s normal for one person may not be the norm for another person. And that does not change because we love someone. Love is not the automatic normalizer or changer for what you think is normal or not normal. Love doesn’t change what is normal and not normal for each person.
Real insight and consideration for each person being different, takes a lot of work. And that’s the kind of work you can find in marriage counseling.