Am I In A Die To Self Fantasy?
By: Chelsea
October 26, 2022

Are you feeling depressed at your lack of success?  Often times we set unrealistic goals and when we fail to achieve them, we beat ourselves up.  This Die To Self mentality tends to keep us stuck.  


When you envision your life, do you have it all played out?

– I’m going to get my dream job at 25.

– I’m going to meet the love of my life at 27.

– I’m going to get married at 30.

– I’m going to have children at 32.

– I’m going to have my dream home at 35.

– I’m going to live happily ever after.


Of course you have had these type of thoughts, you are human. But, what happens when you don’t get the picture-perfect life that you thought you would have? One of my favorite topics to talk about with my clients is the Die to Self feeling.

When we have not gotten what we wanted in our life, or when there is a curveball that gets thrown our way, we go through a grieving process. We think, “how can this be happening? This wasn’t supposed to be how my life was supposed to look.”

We subconsciously put ourselves on this timeline that we have to follow. If we do not achieve it, we then can feel like we have made a setback in our lives. This Die to Self mentality can also cause us to stay in an unhappy situation so that these setback do not come true. The toxic mindset that comes with Die to Self can cause you to abandon your needs and live an unhealthy life.

– I’d rather be in a loveless marriage, so I do not get divorced.

– I don’t want to start over.

– I was supposed to be a mother/father by now.

– I’m not where I was supposed to be at this point in my life, so I must not have accomplished anything.

Give yourself permission to accept that you are not exactly where you thought you would be in your life. That is completely okay. Tell yourself that it is okay to grieve the life that you thought you were going to have. You have to remember that you are exactly where you need to be and you are growing, learning and loving yourself every day.