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Forgiveness is a word spoken daily in my office. It is a struggle that most endure at some point in their lives. It is the woman who cannot get over and move on from being molested by a family member when she was younger. It is a man whose father lived in the same town growing up but never had anything to do with him. The client whose mother drank all through her childhood and even with much family support could never stop. These are just a few of the examples of the people I have in my office that struggle to move on, let go, and forgive.
To me, forgiveness is not about the person that hurt you. I know that sounds strange considering the hurt you are dealing with came from either actions or a lack of action from someone in your life. The woman dealing with letting go and healing from her sexual abuse cannot go up to her abuser and try to gain forgiveness. It would not be safe. It would do more harm then good. The client who had the alcoholic mother, lost her mother many years ago. And the man with the father who was not around has very little contact with his father and it is not a safe relationship. In all of these cases trying to get forgiveness from the source would make it worse. The people whom have hurt them are not capable of dealing with the issues or they are not here at all.
Forgiveness is about letting go of your hurt and pain surrounding negative situations. It is about not letting someone else control your emotions and piece of mind. The woman dealing with her sexual abuse history is plagued with hate and pain surrounding the man who hurt her. At times in her life, it has consumed her. She is learning to let go of the anger she has with him. He will never know, and he has no right to. It is about her letting go, to live her life without being plagued with anger. The anger hurts her, not him. By forgiving in her own mind, she can let go and move one with her life.
Learn to forgive for you. Let go and live. Clear your mind of hate and anger, and you will grow. Only when you learn to forgive, can you let go and be free!