Fun Pie Hog
By: Christy Aloisio
August 2, 2010


Is your wife or husband a fun pie hog? A fun pie hog, what is that? Well it is exactly what it sounds like. Imagine there was a pie chart designed for your marriage, and it had 100% of the fun that the you and your spouse have, including things you do together in the marriage as well as things that are done with friends or alone outside of the marriage. Theoretically, in a healthy marriage, this pie chart would be 50/50 between the partners, or at least close. In a marriage where one partner is a fun pie hog, the chart is extremely uneven with one spouse getting to devour much of the pie and leaving only a sliver for their partner.One point to always remember when talking about why marriages end up in dysfunctional patterns is that both parties are responsible. If the wife is a fun pie hog, it is easy to talk about the poor husband who is stuck with all of the responsibilities while his wife is out having fun, but he has allowed his marriage to get here. The responsibility level has probably always been skewed and he picked her to marry anyway. Each spouse has their hand in why there is such a fun imbalance in the relationship, and it will take both of them to bring the marriage out of this as well.

Here are some examples of fun pie hogs. One would be a wife who does not work. Her husband works full time, but is also comes home to do many of the house hold chores because she does not do them. He takes care of the yard, taxis the kids around, all while she is out having dinners with friends, wine club, all the while racking up loads of debt onto their credit cards. He is so overloaded with work, house, and kids, if he ever did get a free moment he would most likely have to use it to catch up work that he is behind on or trim the bushes that have not been done in ages.

Another example would be the fun pie hog husband. This is the man that most likely works, but after work (or sometimes even during) he golfs on Monday, bowls on Tuesday, poker on Wednesdays, and do not forget about the guys weekend coming up. In the meanwhile his wife is caring for the house, taking care of the kids, groceries, and any odds and ends issues that may come up. She is so busy taking care of everyone else, if she ever does get a free moment, it is probably used to catch up on some sleep, or to go take care of her mother or grandmother. She expends all of her energy and has none left for her, let alone for her to have fun.

Do either of these scenarios sound familiar in your marriage? If you are married to a fun pie hog, it is quite possible the longer you have been married to this person the more resentful, angry, and bitter you are towards them. You may be at the point where you do not even know how to have fun. This can lead to sadness, isolation, and even depression. So what do you do to work on this? Well the first part of the healing process is to have insight and to understand that you are married to a fun pie hog. You may be so used to this dynamic you cannot even see it for what it is. The second is get therapy! Fun pie hogs are not fun pie hogs to be malicious or mean to their spouses. They are fun pie hogs because generally there is something in their childhoods that makes being a fun pie hog comfortable and appropriate for them and they have been allowed to be fun pie hogs! If you have never been held accountable to share the fun in your marriage, why would you start now? You both need therapy to learn how to reshape and to restructure you marriage.