There is a form of grief which is difficult for many people to acknowledge or accept. This is the grief associated with unborn children. The parent of the unborn child is often unable to allow herself or himself the freedom to grieve. This parent falls prey to social cues indicating that the loss of an unborn child is sad but can and should be easily be forgotten. After all, it is not like losing a ‘real child’ with whom you have lived and for whom you have cared.
I plead to the parents of unborn children, give yourself permission to grieve. Do this whether your child was lost to miscarriage, fetal demise, or abortion. Do this if your child is an embryo which did not implant during in vitro fertilization. Do this if your child is a dream which never became reality, no matter the reason. Do this for any unborn child.
For those who have witnessed the despair of those parents…do not discount, dismiss or negate the pain. Do not rush them through. Do not tell them to move on. Rather help them through it by encouraging and listening. At some point we all learn that even though we do not understand something, it is real.
The following is written to my unborn child, Benjamin, who would be 29 years old on December 22, 2013. It is written for all parents of unborn children.
How many times have you danced across my mind?
Almost as many times as you have danced across my heart.
My baby never held… I held you so many times and hold you still. I always will.
You are real, as real as I will ever be. You made me real.
You taught me to feel. You brought me deeper into my soul than I had ever been.
You showed me how to miss the unborn children who came before
and allowed me to miss those who came after.
You taught me the true value of my children born.
Sometimes I wonder if you would love me and then I realize you do…
from where you are.
My Baby, my Son, please gather the unborn children,
Show them how to touch the hearts of their parents,
To give them freedom to feel the pain,
To give them the freedom to feel the joy,
The uncensored pain and joy of parenting the unborn child.
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