When working with clients, one of the first things I look for in our initial session is to see if they are lacking emotional intimacy. Half of the couples will open up about their emotional intimacy and their perspective. The other half won’t be familiar with the concept which I will then explain. I tell all of my couples that personally, I believe emotional intimacy is more imperative in a relationship than physical intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is the connection in the relationship. How comfortable are you being completely transparent, vulnerable and open with your partner? If you are lacking emotional intimacy, you will feel like you can’t be your authentic self with them without the fear or being judged, rejected, or shamed.
If you feel like you and your partner cannot be emotionally intimate with each other, it can start to impact the relationship in a negative way. Have you ever thought…
-I cannot open up to them- if I try it will only cause a fight
-They never listen
-They get defensive and argumentative if they do not agree with me
-They do not show compassion
-They make fun of me for my dreams and are not supportive of my aspirations
-They will share my vulnerability with their friends/family
Why would anyone want to connect if that was going on if your relationship? Lacking emotional intimacy will cause the person to become more closed off and resentful. You want to be able to share with your partner and have trust in them.
Intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. Work on ways to be open with one another and be a safe space for you partner. Listen with intent and show gratitude. Taking small steps to connect with increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship. It might take time, but it is work it to have a healthy and authentic relationship.
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