Marriage counseling is not really about fixing marriage. Sounds weird, yes I know. But marriage counseling is about fixing you. You are the only one that you can control, and you are the only one you can change.
If two people come into my office wanting to fix their marriage, it would be like taking two broken pieces and trying to put them together to making a whole functioning piece, without fixing the pieces. Sounds pretty complicated, huh? It sure does to me. I’m not sure anyone is quite capable of that. Sure, it might be possible to use some “duct tape” so to speak and get it to work. But that is just a quick fix, and it will eventually break and then you are back at square one. It is a lot of time and energy wasted.
The first step in making a well functioning marriage is to work on the pieces, to take each piece and make it whole. These broken pieces have grown up watching other dysfunctional pieces trying to make their marriages work. These pieces may have grown up not even having an example of what a marriage looked like at all. These pieces may have had angry or critical mothers, workaholic fathers, or the absence of one parent or another. After growing up in this environment, we are now suppose to figure out how to be close and connected to another human in marriage. It is easy to see why doesn’t really work all that well. It is a vicious cycle that happens generation after generation.
We all are broken pieces trying to connect with another broken piece. Two broken pieces can never make a complete and functioning whole. What in your background has made you not a whole emotional person? Did you not learn to connect or learned you have to walk on eggshells? Did you learn not to have a voice or to have too much power in your marriage? Whatever hinders you can be better. Today is the day, and now is the time to start working on making you whole. Even though you may be looking for marriage counseling in Indianapolis, it is about time you come and find you counseling. Your own counseling is not just for you, it is for you marriage.
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