Mother’s Who Can’t Love
By: Christy Aloisio
January 1, 1970

I have recently stumbled across a new book Mother’s Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters by Susan Forward. I would highly recommend anyone who has a difficult, dramatic, or distant relationship with their mother to read it. It will open your eyes to new ways to look at, heal, or disengage from the challenging relationship you have with your mother.

The first reason I love this book, is there is finally a book that is real about that fact that not everyone has a “dream” or “wonderful” mother. Something in our society says that our mothers birthed us, they gave us life, therefore we should be forever grateful and never utter a negative syllable about her. We should worship our mothers and sacrifice our needs for the good of the all mighty mother/daughter bond. I do have some clients that have good bonds with their moms and feel supported and nurtured by them. On the same account, I have many clients who do not have that type of mother. They have mothers who have guilted, manipulated, emotionally blackmailed, smothered, criticized, or abandoned them. These women need a place where they can be real, work through, and heal the issues this has caused them. To live in a society where it is “not ok” to talk about these issues, or say negative things about our mothers gives these clients no way to process the emotional turmoil they have experienced and are still experiencing from growing up with mothers who could not love them they way they needed to be loved.

Another part of this book that is extremely helpful, is the author helps guide you through some of the healing process. She does highly recommend doing this along side a therapist, which I would also highly recommend, but the exercises she gives are great at getting in touch with the “inner child” or “little girl” pain that is created with having dysfunction in our childhoods. Readers beware, you will get REAL with these exercises! You will be able to talk about the real relationship you had with your mom and be able to confront it head on. You will have to develop deep insight that will likely cause some pain (why it is important to do with a therapist). The pain is in there are affecting you, so it is positive and growing to be able to heal some of the pain within.

You have suffered long enough from childhood issues. They have caused you enough pain and heart ache in your life. Seize this opportunity now to improve you and maybe even the relationship you have with your mom. There is no time like the present.